Halloween? That ain’t scary. This is scary (well some of it kinda sorta is)

• If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. 

• If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

• Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over 1 million descendents.

• If you urinate when swimming in a South American river, you may encounter the Candiru. Drawn to warmth, this tiny fish is known to follow a stream of urine to its source, swim inside the body, and flare it's barbed fins. It will remain firmly embedded in the flesh until surgically removed.

• The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

• People dress their pets.

• When you sleep, you grow by about 8mm (0.3in). The next day you shrink back to your former height. The reason is that your cartilage discs are squeezed like sponges by the force of gravity when you stand or sit.

• 90% of women who walk into a department store immediately turn to the right. 

• More than half the population of Kenya is under the age of 15.

• Harrison Ford has a species of spider named after him.

• If you unfolded your brain, it would cover an ironing board.

• Tipping at a restaurant in Iceland is considered an insult.

• The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

•  The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

• 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

• A man makes 10 million new sperm cells a day. If you grab a calculator and are bored, you can work out that that is enough cells to repopulate the planet within 6 months. How sweet would the world be with one Bill Y per person, to personally teach the ways of Mocking! Bill Y
  

I would do anything for McBurger

And so, boys and girls, we end our fairly short series of McBurger videos. People who know me, might call me an excessive person. I’ve an excessive personality and you’d either like me and  tattoo 'I heart Bill Y' on your kids or you won’t like me at all. The guy in this video likes his McBurger a lot, some might say, too much. Enjoy. Bill Y

Are we nearly McThere yet?

Here at It’s good to mock HQ, we take pleasure in sifting through the good stuff, putting it to one side and showing you the nonsense. Because we spend our time constructively, we spent the last 3 hours watching The Simpsons. We laughed ‘till laughter came out of our No. 1’s and No. 2’s as Bart and Lisa screamed ‘Are we nearly there yet, are we nearly there yet?’ in the back of Homers car. You just can’t beat the classics. And so, we continue our McBurger series with a Swedish TV ad which for some reason reminds us of that Simpsons episode. Enjoy. Bill Y
 

If she was a burger, she'd be McGorgeous

Song Hye Kyo is a South Korean Actress and (very good looking) Model who is a big star in Asia. Continuing our series of videos for a certain McFast food chain, she stars in an ad that I didn’t really understand until I found a second, follow on ad. So here’s what you need to do. Watch the first ad and then watch the second. Bill Y

 

I'll have the McScare the bejaysus outta you meal.

We’re gonna kick off a series of McBurger videos and stuff. The first video is Baby Ronald McDonald. It’s really hard to describe this but it may well be the freakiest video ever posted. If clowns scare the bejaysus outta you, imagine what the offspring of Ronald McDonald and a Mime Artist would do? Bill Y

Republic of loose women

I’m not really familiar with daytime TV. I looked at the telly book and seen something called ‘Loose Women’. As loose women are my favourite type of women, I decided to investigate further and take a look. What I seen was not exactly what I expected. It turns out my definition of ‘loose’ is very much different to the programme makers definition. When I think of the word 'loose', I tend to think of something which is free from restraint. Women – free from restraint, sounded good to me and that’s the reason I decided to watch the programme.

The show consists of 5 middle aged women on a panel. All had a massive amount of make up stuff on and all seemed intent on telling each other that they had a serious attitude towards everything from fashion and gossip stuff to hen nights and massive amounts of make up stuff.

I made a call to someone who knows about this type of thing and was told that it’s a very popular programme with middle aged ladies. I think the show is supposed to come across as hard hitting and edgy but I just thought it was patronising to middle aged women. As usual. I may well be totally missing the point. I just hope I didn’t make a mistake with that DVD I got for later ‘On Golden Blonde’! Bill Y

Proof that the world hates me

I’ve had a cold like thingy over the last few days. Of course, this wouldn’t happen during the working week. Because the world hates me, It waits until the start of the bank holiday weekend and decides to bother the bejaysus outta me then. I rarely go to visit the doctor. The body is equipped to handle most minor illnesses and if you’re semi fit and semi look after yourself, you’ll be semi fine. As I write this, it’s 9pm on Sunday. This means, the cold like thingy will improve by tomorrow and be gone by about 9am on Tuesday which coincidently is when I go back to work. As I said, the world hates me. Bill Y

People are people so why should it be....

An Irishman, an Irishman and an Irishman go into a bar - myself, Dave and Ciaran. Dave turns to me and says ‘How many light bulbs does it take to change a racist”? I answer, “None, light bulbs can’t make people non-racist but the realisation that people are equal regardless of race, colour or creed, can. Ciaran agreed and got the beers in.

Have your cake, eat it and die.

I’m a bad eater. I eat bad food. I do this because I know no better. I have a solution that will help educate myself and others like me but I need to get the food makers and the education system to work with me on it. It’s a simple idea but all the best ideas are.

I want to change the name of food. Well that’s not exactly true. I don’t want to change the name of food, just move the name of the product to the back or bottom of the packaging. In it’s place, we put a picture of what you will look like in years to come if you continue to consume said product. For example, if you were to pick up a box with a cake in it, it wouldn’t have ‘Cake’ on the front of the box. It would have a picture of an obese dead person, wearing an ‘I used to like cake but I ate so much of it, I ended up dead’ t-shirt.

This is where the education system comes in. The education system needs to scare the bejaysus outta the kids before they even see the cake . This way, when little Gill Y gets home from school and sets her eyes on the box for the first time, she throws up because she has already been taught that she could die if she eats the cake.

I think the idea is a good one but I know there is an issue that needs to be addressed. It might prove difficult to convince the Bakers to put a picture of a dead obese woman on the front of the box stating that eating the product contained within, actually caused her death. It's hardly a good advertisement for cake.

For this reason, I am going to run for the European Parliament and attempt to pass a ‘Cake is murder’ bill. My advertising slogan will read: ‘I wasn’t around when I was a kid but I’m here now to warn you that you could die if you eat cake’. I think I’m on to a winner with this one and can’t see how it could possibly fail. Bill Y

I am Evil and you’re a B’stard - Prepare to learn

Warning***Evil Bill Y Post***Warning

What up suckers? You’re all a pack of slaves to the good in the world which makes you losers in my book. If you’re not evil, you’re not cool and that’s just the way it is. How many of you sad pathetic fools can claim to have done something evil in the last 24 hours? Eh, don’t all answer at once now, you bunch of tossers. I  don’t know how you can sleep at night without being as evil as possible. Even watching you be nice to each other makes my stomach turn. My evil parents brought me up to be evil and if you morons pay attention, you might just learn something.

Evil Rule No. 1 – Always be ready to walk all over your friends. You’ll know if you’re doing it properly ‘cause you’ll feel as guilty as hell and that’s such a good feeling.

Evil Rule No.2 – Borrow money from your family and friends but rather than give it back, use the money to get t-shirts printed with ‘I am Evil and you’re a B’stard who’s not getting your money back’ on them.

Evil Rule No.3 – Golden Rule – Look around the house for any jewellery that might be valuable and pawn it. If you find wedding rings, you’re on the right track. If you find jewellery that may not be valuable but could have sentimental value, take it. You may not get any money for it but you’ll cause someone a lot of misery and grief and misery and grief are truly great things.

Evil Rule No.4 – These days, it’s not just good enough just to be evil, you have to have an evil image. If you think we all wear an eye patch, sit in an evil chair and stroke a fluffy white cat, your damn right. PS: If you’re in the market for any of the above evil items, let me know at evilisgood@goodisevil.com

Evil Rule No. 5 – Golden Rule – Use blackmail as much as possible. Blackmail is cool. Why do you think your man lets me write on this excuse for a blog?

Evil Rule No.6 – There’s no point in looking evil if you don’t sound evil. An evil laugh is so important. You’ll need to practice your laugh. Try "MUAHAHAHAHA!" at the top of your lungs. The deeper the sound is, the more evil it will sound.

Evil Rule No.7 – Create your own evil rules.

I could spend more time trying to educate you muppets on how to be evil but I doubt if any of you have what it takes. If you believe you can follow the dark path, get in touch. If not, you can go to hell for I care. "MUAHAHAHAHA!" Evil Bill Y

Bagpipes - Poison for the ears

Is it just me
or do bagpipes sound like what super glued on fake nails scraping on a blackboard must sound like to blind people - what with the heightened sense of hearing and whatnot? I like sounds and most sounds are interesting to an extent. Then there’s bagpipes. If I was playing Pictionary and I had to draw what the sound of bagpipes is like, I would draw (very badly) a depressed doctor who is being sacked from his doctor job but decided to pull the tonsils from a wolf in the Emergency Room, as a form of protest. I think this perfectly describes the sound of bagpipes. Okay, maybe not perfectly but I think you know what I mean. When I pass from this world and go to write for the great big blog in the sky, I will have the bagpipes played at my funeral. Not because bagpipes sound like a happy Morrissey but because the sound of bagpipes assault the senses and I think that’s the right way for you to remember me. I can almost see my epitaph – Here lies Bill Y. Born into this world screaming like a baby and departing from this world to the sound of super glued on fake nails scraping on a blackboard. Bill Y

In the Dragons Den with Dragons.

You may recall my recent letter to the Olympic International Committee (there’s 2 m’s, 2 t’s and 2 e’s in Committee) requesting that they add Mocking as a sport in the 2016 games in Rio. That didn’t quite work out as planned and I was politely told to take a run and jump (ironically, an Olympic sport!)

Very few things get me down and I wasn’t about to let this little setback bother me. I spent seconds trying to figure out how to use my brilliance and came up with a perfect plan. A plan, I have kept quiet until now. I think it will help me grow up as a person, if I share these details. Allow me to frame the picture:

I open the letter from the Olympic International Committee (there’s 2 m’s, 2 t’s and 2 e’s in Committee) and am massively disappointed. For some reason, unbeknown to me, I imagined them all dressed as dragons as they read my letter and I, with my little idea had attempted to enter the dragons den. Then it hit me – I should apply to go on Dragons Den. All I had to do was convince the Dragons that I had a viable business idea and I would be rich.

Not been one who thinks things through, I made a call to a dodgy friend who arranged for me to go on the programme. I forgot about it and returned to being brilliant in daily life.  Time fly’s when your mocking and all of a sudden, the day arrived when I was to meet the Dragons. It was at this stage, I made my major mistake. The average Joe/Josephine Soap, tends to prepare for these things and arranges a business plan and stuff. I’m not put together that way, preferring to make things up as I go along and besides, I can talk for Ireland and probably several more similar size countries such as Israel or Greece.  So there I was, face to face with the dreaded Dragons and I was asked to pitch my idea. The only problem was that I hadn’t got an idea! Words rarely fail me and I sure wasn’t about to let them do it now.

I’m very much a ‘say what you see’ type of guy. Words began to sprint from my mouth and before I knew it, I was telling the Dragons that presenting an idea before them was a terrifying ordeal. I told them, they should try and relax the contestants and that if you could buy a Dragons Den doll/action man, the contestants could practice talking to them before the big ordeal. One of the Dragons had a nasty grin and attempted to interrupt me. I put him in his place in 1.23 seconds. Again, my words started travelling and nasty grin Dragon stood up and screamed at me, telling me to shut up and listen to them. I paused for air and they told me something that stunned the bejaysus outta me.

I was told, there already was a doll available called a YoudooDoll which comes boxed with clothing and photo transfers allowing you to create a personalised doll of yourself, your friends, siblings or even your favourite celebrity! Not only that, but a contestant on Dragons Den had pitched the idea successfully and the Dragons themselves had backed the product! Those Dragons witnessed a quiet Bill Y. Not many people can lay claim to being at such a major event. I remained in shock for several minutes but apparently I attempted to convince them that it was my idea and that someone had obviously entered my mind and stole my thought before it actually became a fully fledged idea. For some reason, they didn’t buy this at all.

I left totally dejected and was really bothered for a couple of seconds until I realised, I should try out for The Apprentice but that’s a story for another day. Bill Y

What’s you fav animal and why?

Most people I know, love or at least like animals. I just don’t get it. At It’s good to mock, we prefer to mock them instead – the people and the animals! I asked people what their favourite animal is and why that animal is their favourite animal and stuff. This is gonna have to be one of those Pt1 and Pt2 thingys. The answers are the words below:

Pt1.

Neady: “My little doggy ‘cause he is like a cute little teddy bear and he can’t answer back”.

Bill Y: “You are a girl and that is such a girl answer, go and put on some pink PJs and watch Dishonest Housewives”

Kristina: “Dog, but don’t ask me why, I just love them”.

Bill Y: “A girly of few words and that can only be good thing for the rest of us when you answer like that”

Colly and Linda: (answered by Colly) “Both our fav animals are dogs and if you want to be more specific, Golden Labradors, you gotta love them cause they’re so adorable, cute and friendly”.

Bill Y: “My massive problem with your answer Commercial Boy, is that I asked the two of you the question and you came back with a joint answer. Having a joint bank account can be a necessity but having a joint opinion on your fav animal! Nej, nej, nej”.

Frankyboy: “My fav animal is a chimp ‘cause they are so funny when they are young and intellectual when older”.

Bill Y: “Very few things in this world quieten me but your answer did. For that you need to be applauded. For your answer, you do not”

Colm: "Dogs because they are barking mad lol"

Bill Y: “Respect and nothing but respect for this answer. You’re words are too good for this site”

Trishy: “Cat?...NO!.....Horse?....NO!...Cow?...NO!....Dog?....yeah...dog is safe.......I would say a dog is my favourite because......they are loyal!!! There ya go!!"

Bill Y: “Because I know you, I expect you to answer like this. If I didn’t know you, I’d be worried for you!”

Evil Bill Y: A stuffed animal is my fav animal and if it isn’t stuffed, ‘Wielding Axe’ Anto Murphy can always sort it. Ha ha suckers.

Bill Y: “I won’t even dignify you with an answer.”

I could easily post the rest now but I have to count how many s’s there are in Mississippi. Bill Y

Ask me for nothing - that’s what you’ll get

I sometimes wonder if I'm wearing a t-shirt with ‘Ask me for something’ written on it. People ask me for stuff all the time. Lately I’m been asked for money. They could at least form an orderly queue, take a ticket and wait in line. I’m not one who has been blessed with material wealth (or any wealth, come to think of it) but that doesn’t stop people from targeting me. In the same afternoon last week, I was asked to:

• Help the massively confused kids – Surely kids are supposed to be massively confused? When I was a kid, I was as confused as a puppy trying to talk its way out of a paper bag.
• Help the aged – I don’t even understand the term ‘aged’. When wine ages, it’s a good thing. The older the wine, the better it is. It’s the same with cheese, the more mature it is, the better it is. When people age, they gain experience, maturity and wisdom. With experience, maturity and wisdom, what need is there for money?
• Help The Beatles – A musician friend gave me a badge with ‘Help – The Beatles’ on it. Rather than discuss it, I went to the bar ‘cause it was my round.
• Help the poor – I already mentioned that I’m not exactly financially solvent. The last time I checked the definition of ‘Poor’ it had my name and telephone number listed.
• Help the Amazon Rainforest – This one confused the bejaysus outta me. If Amazon want to stop selling books online and do something with rainforests, they can go ahead but why ask for my help with it?
• Help the chicken cross the road – I was so nearly tempted to ask, why the chicken wanted to cross the road but I didn’t.

I think part of the problem is that I look like I care about stuff. I wonder if I can find my ‘Actually, I don’t care’ t-shirt. Bill Y

Answer these questions

1)Are you a proud person?

2)At the end of the day, can you look back at that day and hold your head up high?

3)How do you measure success?

If you can answer “Yes” to the first two questions and “By putting lights on sheep in Wales” to the third, you’ve probably worked on this piece of art which has so far got 9.5 million hits on YouTube. I know it’s an ad for a multi national co. but it’s damn good. Enjoy. Bill Y

The massively observant of you may notice the orange dude above. Let's call him Hank. Hank usually hangs around at the very bottom of the page but doesn't like it down there. Like myself, he craves attention and wants to chill towards the top of the page. I'm in two minds about it. (which is unusual for me 'cause I don't even have one mind) In one way he could be a cool logo to have at the top of the page but he kinda looks like a Sumo wrestler and although we're in the business of mocking, Sumo wrestlers are just too big a target to mock and a barely moving target at that. The last thing I want is to wake up one beautiful morning, put on some mocking shoes, head out into the opportunistic world and be sat on by some disgruntled Sumo wrestler. That just wouldn't be cool at all. Bill Y

Wanted: Evil Musicians for Evil Band

Warning***Evil Bill Y Post***Warning***Evil Bill Y Post***

Hello sad pathetic losers, Evil Bill Y here and you all make me sick. I am so fed up with this fairy tale nonsense. It won't be long now before Halloween and the ‘Big Event' will kick off. People are too nice to each other and that just isn’t evil. I’m here to tell you that it stops right here. It’s Evil time and I’m putting together an Evil band. So far I have:

Vocals: “Massively Mental” Mick Slasher.
Guitars: “Wielding Axe” Anto Murphy
Bass: Evil Bill Y
Drums: “Kneecap Ned” O’Leary

If you’re evil and you can play an instrument, email me at evilbastard@itsbleedingreattomock.com
If you’re not evil, don’t waste my time or I’ll get Kneecap Ned to have a few words with you and you really don’t want to meet that dude ‘cause he’s as Evil as me and he does his job with a smile on his face.

We’ve only a couple of songs written so far but they’re pure Evil. My favourite is one that Wielding Axe wrote. It’s called ‘She’ll be coming down the mountain when I whack her on the head with my axe’. It’s a love song that brings tears of joy to my Evil face when we play it. Kneecap Ned is also into love songs and he wrote ‘I’m back, remember me, I’m the one who stole your legs’. I told him that some of the lyrics sound a bit familiar. There’s one line that goes ‘It wasn’t me who lost control, you’re face to face with the man who stole your limbs’ – pure poetry.

Enough already, I don’t have time to spend with you losers. If you’re Evil, you can get me at the above email address. If you’re not Evil, you can go to hell for all I care. Evil Bill Y

Expensive Gnashers

Today I heard a story. Today I heard a story which made the eyes pop out of my head in disbelief. Today I heard a story which made the eyes pop out of my head in disbelief and question the value of stuff. Today I heard a story of a woman who paid €30,000 to have have her teeth fixed and I don’t mean all of her teeth. We’re talking about €30,000 to have half of her teeth fixed. We’re not talking about some famous pop star or actor. We’re talking about someone who works in the same building as my brilliant self. As the eyes popped out of my head, they wondered what you could do with €30,000 and they came up with a few ideas:

With €30,000 you could:

• Buy some eyes that don’t pop out of your head.
• Give some money to a charity and some to your family. If your family happen to be a charity, you can kill two birds with one stone but why you want to kill two birds with a stone anyway? What did the two birds ever do to you?
• Take a year off work and write your novel ‘How I saved €30,000 by not having my teeth done’.
• Adopt a child from a third world country and realise you’re not Madonna/Angelina and you don’t have the funds to raise the child as you’ve just spent €30,000.

As you can imagine, there are more things you can do with €30,000 and you can also tell a lot about someone by the way they choose to spend their money but don't expect everyone to be as together as me!

List the best

I’ve been trying to come up with a list of people I admire and it’s not going well. So far I have:

1) Myself

It took me 4 hours to come up with this list (can 1 person be a list?) and I’m finding it really hard to add to it. Sure, I could go for the obvious and choose Martin Luther King, Ghandi or Michael O’Leary from Ryanair but these people are not as good as me and I don’t see why they should be allowed on the list. Herbie Hancock is an amazing musician but I don’t want to add people to the list just to make it look bigger. There are people who have done a lot with their life who get close to the list such as Paris Hilton, Josef Fritzl or The Hoff but again, these people may have carved out their own niche in life but they’re just not good enough for the list. As much as I don’t like admitting defeat, I reckon the list remains with my brilliant self and nobody else. With so few role models around, I wonder what life will be like when I grow up. Bill Y

Van full of Anvils

At It's good to mock, we marvel at our lack of talent. There are a number of things in life which are true. Work = Bad. The Internets = Good. Where else could you find cats singing about a van full of anvils except the amazing http://rathergood.com We think Spinal Tap would be proud. Bill Y

I will mock the bejaysus out of everything that moves

The Theory of What?

Here at It’s good to mock HQ, we like to do nothing. The only thing better than nothing, is something. Something has been bothering the bejaysus out of me lately. Allow me to frame the picture:

There’s something called The Theory of Nothing. What’s that you say? How do I know? Well, I know because I went on to the internets and came across:

www.thetheoryofnothing.com

I’d like to tell you about the website and there within lies the problem.
The Theory of Nothing website doesn’t tell you what the website is about! I’m not pulling your leg or any other part of your body, when I tell you this. The website consists of a black page with the words The Theory of Nothing along with the letter ‘N’ with a line going through it, surrounded by a circle. Nothing else exists on the site and it is not possible to click on the symbol or any of the other 4 words. A question arises:

Why does the world hate me so much?

A less brilliant person might take this lying down but that’s not the way I roll. I’ve come up with an antidote and it’s so obvious that I’ve already mentioned it in the second sentence of this post: "The only thing better than nothing, is something". I needed something so I created something. I created a new blog called The Theory of Something. This fine piece of art can be found here:

http://thetheoryofsomething.blogspot.com

Now I must rest.  
Bill Y

Quote on quote

I’ve been reading a list of quotes from famous people. This one stood out more than the rest:

“Comedy is simply a funny way of been serious” – Peter Ustinov

I don’t think a lot but the above quote made me think for a number of minutes. In yesterdays post Beware of people in glass houses, I told the story of the time I got out of a car and ran through a glass door. As the blood rushed out of my leg, all I could do was crack jokes. I know this was one of those times where your body goes into shock but maybe there’s some sense in the above quote. I then stopped thinking and read another quote from the same guy:

“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill” – Peter Ustinov

If we take Mr. Ustinov’s first quote and apply it to the statement above, I think we can assume that he had one seriously heavy credit card bill! Bill Y

Beware of people in glass houses

Here at It’s good to mock, we mock people, places and things. There’s a less than famous saying that doesn’t exist which says: “Don’t bother mocking people, places or things, if you’re not prepared to be mocked back by those same people, places and things and stuff”. In the spirit of fair play, I mock myself with the following true story:

The time – A number of years ago.

The place – A place.

The object to be mocked: My left leg and general stupidity.

I’m in a car. It’s raining outside. The car stops. Bill Y gets out. I don’t want to get wet as I run quickly to the house to visit a mate. Did I mention it was raining? Because my eyes are half closed as I run to the house, I don’t notice the glass door entrance to the house until I run into the middle of the glass door. Next I see far too many pieces of glass, hanging out of my left leg which is losing lots of blood. I’ve only experienced genuine shock on a handful of occasions. Once, I thought I’d lost my nephew in a shopping centre and this really terrified me –I found him shortly after in a book shop. Looking at my leg half open, shock visited again. Just before I collapsed, I apologised to my mates Mother for breaking the glass door and managed a wry smile. The fact that I was covered in blood didn't seem to bother me at all. An ambulance driver lived on the road and all of a sudden, I was on the way to the hospital. My mate came with me and I was really weak as I continued losing blood. Because of this, I was nearly drifting off to sleep but my mate was told to make sure this didn’t happen. He kept clattering me and I kept saying ‘My name is Bill Y and I’m an Irish citizen who doesn’t like been slapped”. We arrived at the hospital and a morose, unhappy, sullen nurse took the many pieces of glass from my left leg. They took some x-rays and I was told I would be going straight to theatre for an operation. I asked the nurse to explain what was going to happen and she told me that the doctors were concerned because I had severed tendons and nerves. I went for the operation, had a nice sleep and woke up the next morning. A different nurse introduced herself and told me I had given the staff a good laugh. I told her I couldn’t remember much but I remembered the morose, unhappy, sullen nurse from the previous night. She laughed at this and informed me that I had told this nurse that she scared the bejaysus out of me and I had asked her how such an unhappy looking person, ended up as a nurse. Apparently, I told her she would of been more suited to a job in a slaughterhouse or a morgue, than a hospital. Because of this, her colleagues had been mocking her all night. That morning I realised the power of mocking and have been playing with that power ever since. Bill Y

Evil is an anagram of Vile

Warning***Evil Bill Y Post***Warning Evil Bill Y Post***Warning***

Ha ha suckers. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Evil Bill Y and you’re all pathetic good people with pathetic good manners. That means you’re all sad and you all need help. They also call me the Evil Clown – and that’s Mr. Evil Clown to you.

I’m here to show you how to be Evil so listen up and learn.

My favourite time of year is getting close – Halloween. At Halloween, you losers wear fancy dress and that suits me fine because I could be standing right next to you and you wouldn’t even notice. At Halloween, I look like any other clown in fancy dress. But I’m not like any other clown in fancy dress. I’m the Evil Clown who takes your drink when you go to the bar. I’m the Evil Clown who starts fights at taxi ranks. I’m the Evil Clown who takes pictures of you without you knowing, in the hope that I can blackmail you with the pictures. I love blackmailing and that’s the reason I’m on this petty excuse for a blog at the moment. You see, I blackmailed your man and know something, he doesn’t want you to know so I can write what I want, when I want and he can do nothing about it except sweat. Ha ha, I love my life and can hardly wait for Halloween. I’m planning something big and it’s gonna take Evil to new levels. Keep an eye out for me. I’ll be the meanest, evilest, clown around town and I can teach you the Evil way. Ha ha. Evil Bill Y

If it wasn't for those pesky Wife Carriers...

Sometimes you receive something in the post which cheers you up. Other days you receive something like this:

Dear Bill Y,(Not Evil)

I write in relation to your recent request to have Mocking recognised as an Olympic sport in the Olympic Games in Rio 2016. Unfortunately at this moment in time we are full and therefore must decline your request. We will retain your details and if the we get bored in the future we may revisit your request but please don't hold your breath.

The committee (there's 2 m's, 2 t's and 2 e's in Committee) were impressed with your submission but we have decided to go with Finnish Wife Carrying in the 2016 Rio Games rather than Mocking. For what it’s worth, it was a close call.

Thank you for your interest in the Olympic Games.

Yours sincerely,

Jacques Rogge,
President,
Olympic International Committee

I was so disappointed to receive this letter.
So convinced was I that they would accept Mocking, that I booked a trip to Rio in 2016. If anyone wants a cheap ticket, let me know at:

olympicgamessuck@yadayadyayda.com

Disgruntled Bill Y

Mocking - The Sport

I’ve decided to try and get Mocking recognised as an Olympic sport. For some unknown reason, the International Olympic Committee (there’s 2 m’s, 2 t’s and 2 e’s in Committee) don't return my emails and that’s just downright rude. I reckon I’m a bit late for the London 2012 games but I’m hoping that Rio 2016, might work out. I’m thinking I should probably take out a patent or copyright on ‘Mocking as a sport’. Can you imagine how bothered I’d be, if I didn’t copyright it and it then becomes an Olympic sport? The great thing about Mocking is that you can practice anywhere and you don’t need any special equipment or training gear. The only thing you need is an imagination and a sense of humour and if you haven’t got these, you should collect some tokens on the back of a cereal box, not because you can send away for imagination and a sense of humour but because if token collecting can be recognised as an Olympic sport, Mocking can’t be too far behind. Bill Y

Non + Sense = Nonsense

At It’s good to mock HQ, there’s one thing we can’t get enough of and that’s Nonsense. Allow me to coin a brand new saying – “Too much Nonsense, makes Jack a total legend”. You heard it here first folks so expect to see it printed on t-shirts soon. I like watching non English movies because I don’t understand what the actors are saying. Because of this, I make up my own story and the story becomes Nonsense. As you can imagine, this doesn’t really work too well if the movie has subtitles. If you study this art form it’s possible to take it to the next level and read non English books. If you can’t read the words, you can make your own story up as you go along. I won’t pretend it’s easy and it does take a lot of practice but if you apply yourself, it is possible to reach what I call Utter Nonsense. It’s actually quite simple:

Complete + Nonsense = Complete Nonsense. Complete + Utter Nonsense + Complete Utter Nonsense + Total Nonsense = Complete Utter Total Nonsense. If you can’t smell, you have no sense of smell therefore you are an Anosmiac (it’s real, the internets say so) and if you walk into a wall you are lacking common sense. Therefore  Complete + Utter Nonsense + Complete Utter Nonsense + Total Nonsense = Complete Utter Total Nonsense. Complete Utter Total Nonsense + lack of common sense + No sense of smell = Complete and Utter Nonsensical Total Common Anosmia.

I strongly believe the above equation can be applied to all situations but don’t hold me responsible for the outcome as it’s not exactly scientifically proven although there are several mice and hamsters running around in a wheel as we speak and I expect this will be proven before teatime tomorrow. Bill Y

When the blog goes global

When the blog goes global, I’ll be able to ramble on with the same old nonsense but to a much wider audience.

When the blog goes global, you can say, “I knew that fool back in the days before the blog went global”.

When the blog goes global, I’ll be able to afford to buy computer stuff  for the first time since the millennium began.

When the blog goes global, people will say “Wait a minute, maybe the fool did make a tiny little bit of sense after all”.

When the blog goes global, mocking yourself will be an everyday activity just like morning coffee.

When the blog goes global, I will finally publish my lifetimes work – How to mock in 46,435 easy steps.

When the blog goes global, I will have my own country and call it Ireland. If that name has already been taken by then, I will call it Yreland.

When the blog goes global, I will sell it for vast sums of money and start another blog about the effect of working life, on personality. This will be called: www.getthatclampoffmypersonalityyoubastard.com

When the blog goes global, everyone will know that it’s good to mock. Bill Y

Interview with The Evil Clown

In an attempt to let as many people as possible see what Evil Bill Y is really like, I’ve decided to interview him. Hopefully this ends here and now and his true colours will be seen:

Bill Y: As far as I’m concerned, your name says it all. Please tell the happy people, what your name is.

Evil Bill Y: My name is Evil Bill Y. I’m evil and proud to be that way.

Bill Y: What do you think of people who are nice?

Evil Bill Y: Nice people make me sick and they can all go to hell.

Bill Y: Why do I let you write guest posts on the blog?

Evil Bill Y: Because I know something about you that you don’t want all the other fools to know and I’m blackmailing you, sucker.

Bill Y: Who are your Heroes:

Evil Bill Y: Ebenezer Scrooge, Tax Collectors, The Wicked Witch of the West and Darth Vader.

Bill Y: You said recently, you had a better name for the blog than It’s good to mock. Can you explain what this better name is?

Evil Bill Y: It should be called: www.youpatheticdogsmakemesick.com

Bill Y: Speaking of dogs, what do you think about puppies?

Evil Bill Y: Puppies are not evil at all so I hate them all. I’m not sure if I hate children more than puppies. It’s too close to call.

Bill Y: Why do you think I call you The Evil Clown.

Evil Bill Y: I’ve no idea but it’s a good compliment. You’re just a clown who’ll never understand evil and you and all these stupid people can go to hell. Ha ha.

Bill Y: Well, I’ve had enough of you and I’m sure everyone else has too. I think I’ve proven my point. Close that door as you leave. Bill Y

Everyone's a comedian

Hi everybody, please allow me to apologise for that Evil Bill Y post last night. That guy is pure evil so don’t listen to a word he says.

Disclaimer: The information in the post ‘Hey Losers, My name is Evil Bill Y and I’m Evil’ in no way reflects the views of the real Bill Y or It’s good to Mock.

As for the diebastarddie t-shirt he mentioned, I won’t say it doesn’t exist but I haven’t worn it for quite a while. He did give me an idea, though. Maybe we should have some guest writers every now and again. If you’re the type of person who can mock the bejaysus out of anything and everything, let us know about it. We’re looking for someone who doesn’t take themselves too serious. If you can come up with a joke or funny story involving a hamster, floral dress, headphones and a crystal ball, we need to hear from you in the Comments section. If that seems a bit to hard, tell us about the last time you were mocked. Make me proud folks. Bill Y

Hey Losers, My name is Evil Bill Y and I’m Evil.

What up suckers. Evil Bill Y here. What I say goes and I ain't kiddin. Mockin is not good enough for me. I don’t care about that other fool. I go straight to the point and cut people down like something sharp that cuts things. I ain't takin no prisoners and you can all go to hell. What makes me sick to the pit of my infested stomach is people who are nice. You better get used to seein me around here ‘cause I’ve blackmailed your man. You see, I know something that he doesn’t want anyone to know and I intend to have my say around here, anytime I feel like it. This place is gonna get ugly. It should be called www.youpatheticdogsmakemesick.com 

Here’s how you should live your life:

Stab everyone in the back and if you’re busy doing other evil stuff, get me to stab them in the back. Nothin makes me happier.

If you ever end up at a job interview, threaten the other losers who are goin for the job, tell the boss you know where his daughter lives and you’ll be on the payroll faster than Usain Bolt on a Cheetah.

Always carry a camera with you. You never know when people are goin to slip up and it pays to record every sleazy moment you can. I’ve made a lot of money blackmailin.

Listen to Heavy Metal music. There’s some great words in those songs about killin and slaughterin.

Make use of the internets. You never know when you might want to post pictures of your ex, doing things she doesn’t want her Ma to know about.

I’m sick of you already but don’t think, you won’t be hearin from me again. I’ll be here for the next few Thursdays and then I’m gonna spend Halloween week here, gettin all evil on you.

Now, where’s that fools diebastarddie t-shirt?

Evil Bill Y