Ask me for nothing - that’s what you’ll get

I sometimes wonder if I'm wearing a t-shirt with ‘Ask me for something’ written on it. People ask me for stuff all the time. Lately I’m been asked for money. They could at least form an orderly queue, take a ticket and wait in line. I’m not one who has been blessed with material wealth (or any wealth, come to think of it) but that doesn’t stop people from targeting me. In the same afternoon last week, I was asked to:

• Help the massively confused kids – Surely kids are supposed to be massively confused? When I was a kid, I was as confused as a puppy trying to talk its way out of a paper bag.
• Help the aged – I don’t even understand the term ‘aged’. When wine ages, it’s a good thing. The older the wine, the better it is. It’s the same with cheese, the more mature it is, the better it is. When people age, they gain experience, maturity and wisdom. With experience, maturity and wisdom, what need is there for money?
• Help The Beatles – A musician friend gave me a badge with ‘Help – The Beatles’ on it. Rather than discuss it, I went to the bar ‘cause it was my round.
• Help the poor – I already mentioned that I’m not exactly financially solvent. The last time I checked the definition of ‘Poor’ it had my name and telephone number listed.
• Help the Amazon Rainforest – This one confused the bejaysus outta me. If Amazon want to stop selling books online and do something with rainforests, they can go ahead but why ask for my help with it?
• Help the chicken cross the road – I was so nearly tempted to ask, why the chicken wanted to cross the road but I didn’t.

I think part of the problem is that I look like I care about stuff. I wonder if I can find my ‘Actually, I don’t care’ t-shirt. Bill Y