The Fellowship of the Wizards of Bono

According to the great knower of stuff, Prof. Noah Tall, charity first began in 1984 when an Irish musician couldn’t find an elastoplast but found a Band Aid instead. No one knows exactly how or why but it rained that year. With the rain came the usual question: “Why can’t it rain in impoverished third world countries and allow their crops to grow and feed the world?” The Irish Musician, been both Irish and a Musician was smarter than those who weren’t Irish and Musicians. Being Irish and a Musician myself, I know this to be true. The Irish Musician knew of a small body of water connecting Ireland to it’s nearest neighbours, commonly known as The UK. This body of water, aka ‘The Sea’ acted like a bridge connecting Irish Musicians to non Irish Musicians and the modes of transport favoured most were boats and planes. The Irish Musician travelled to the UK, met a Scottish Musician and together formed a collective of like minded Musicians called ‘The Fellowship of the Musicians’. Together they set out on their quest to find Bono but they ignored the prophecy which states: “Always be careful what you wish for as you may just end up with Bono.”


On their journey, they bumped into a cowardly Lion who said “I’m too scared to be a Lion”. The Fellowship invited the Lion to join them on their quest because as everybody knows, Bono can cure cowardice as well as help whiten your teeth and cure ham. They continued on their journey and met a Scarecrow who found it hard to communicate as he had no brain. The Scarecrow was invited along to find Bono because as everybody knows, Bono is the founder of the Scarecrows Without Brains Foundation. They continued on their journey and it wasn’t long until they met up with a Tin Man who didn’t have a heart. The Tin Man was invited along because as everybody who plays cards knows, Bono is the King of Hearts.


They continued on their travels and eventually found Bono but as it turned out, he was chatting with his best friend Mel Gibson and as everybody knows, Mel Gibson is a couple of months short of a calendar. They immediately hid in the trees until Gibson was gone and surprised Bono with something he could not say no to – liquorice and as everybody knows Bono will do anything for liquorice. It was at that moment that Bono agreed to give the Lion some courage, the Scarecrow a brain and the Tin Man a heart. Over a few beers later on, he also agreed to save the world. Unfortunately after saving the world, he just wouldn’t go away. So the question we are left with is: Was saving the world worth it, if we’re stuck with Bono? Some might say Yes, but the majority would say No.