The Angelina Jolie Tree

Allow me to present a hypothetical situation. If you were attracted to a tree, you may very well think that it’s a fairly unusual attraction to have. You might want to keep it to yourself until you have a chat with said tree and even if the tree reciprocates your feelings, you still may not want to go public with it. As there are some weird people out there, they may have some unusual reactions to your new found relationship. As time goes by, you may develop affectionate nicknames for each other and you might call the tree - the Angelina Jolie Tree. This might be because the Angelina Jolie Tree has obviously spent some time and money in trying to mirror the famous actress and mother of African kids. The most obvious sign of this might be in the tree’s very full Botox induced lips, as can be seen below:





Things have been going really well lately. I realise I’m lucky to be in such a loving relationship and can deal with the constant shouts of “Tree hugger”, when we’re out in public. I’m not usually a jealous person and maybe I’m wrong but lately I’ve noticed what I can only call competition for her affections:




To be cont…..




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Please allow 30 days for search results

We tend to take things for granted, especially with technology. Google only began in 1988 and I remember it well. It wasn’t all super fast searches and large email storage, in fact it was the very opposite in the beginning. I was looking at some old letters and postcards and I became quite emotional as I found a reminder of the the first time I used Google. It brought it all back to me as if it was only yesterday. People complain about the the speed of broadband these days. I had to go to the Post Office, buy a stamp and post my first Google search :








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All threats are taken seriously

I just came back seeing from my favourite band – ‘The extremely humourless, non-violent midgets’. They play a kind of gospel/death metal like no other band and a friendlier bunch of misfits, you could not meet. At their last gig, someone told them a joke and if there’s one thing they don’t like, it’s jokes. They recently got a new manager who has some strange ideas for promoting the band. She decided it’s best to advertise the fact that they have no sense of humour. There’s talk about getting t-shirts printed with the following:





They say all publicity is good publicity but I have my doubts!





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5 ways to know that you’re having a bad day and that the world hates you.

For a long time now, I’ve known that the world hates me. Sometimes it hurls major obstacles in my path, sometimes it’s just the little things like these:

1) Going for a coffee.

    My coffee                                 Jill Ys coffee

2) I decided to get a choc chip cookie which didn’t do it for me at all.


3) I was wondering why I didn’t get what I wanted for Christmas, until this arrived in the post:
 







4) I’m not usually a superstitious person but I can take a hint. The keyboard fell to the ground the other day and the keys went all over the place. I picked it up as fast as I could and put the letters back on randomly. This is what it looked like:



5) Jill Y has been looking to make some extra money. She answered an ad yesterday but there was just something about it, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on but I have a bad feeling about it. I think it’s her potential bosses name that bothers me:


To be cont…





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One hell of a new procedure?

Not a lot of people know about my other job which is not the same as my day job. It’s a professional outfit but they have some pretty strange rules. If you worked in a job where you were handling dangerous chemicals, you would be expected to wear protected clothing and to wash your hands. My other job is music related. I went in last night and they had a new procedure but I really don’t understand how or why they’re asking us to do this:

The Morgan Freeman Chain of Command

In terms of stature, a mocker is pretty much not even on the radar but we’re not really worried about that too much. We’re happy doing that thing we do and we like to think we do it to the best of of our ability. We know, if we work real hard, we’ll become better mockers and that’s all that matters. In times of doubt, when we need inspiration, we look to the Morgan Freeman Chain of Command and a light appears at the end of the tunnel:

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Hopefully it’s only a phase he’s going through

Jill Y and I had a major disagreement. She has this crazy notion that The Empire Strikes Back is better than Star Wars and I begged to differ in the loudest possible terms. With two such extreme contrasting  views, there was no way we could stay under the same roof so we decided we needed a break and she went to stay at her sisters. She was only gone for a couple of days and when she came back, we decided not to speak of the argument again and all was good. She was telling me about her teenage nephew John Paul, who broke his mobile phone charger. Jill Y has the same phone so she gave him her charger. Later that day, she needed it herself and as John Paul was eating dinner, he told her it was on his bed beside some magazines. Jill Y went to get the charger and was alarmed to see the magazines he was talking about:



We’re hoping it’s just a phase he’s going through.

   


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Unfunny Game – Pt 2

Board games are great for when you’re bored but I’m beginning to think there’s something not right with the world. Board games are changing and I’m not sure if it’s a good thing. You may remember the incident I had when I went to buy the classic Connect Four game. Things didn’t turn out the way I thought and I ended up with a very different game called Connect One. It took me a while but I got over it. I went back to the shop today and saw a game which scared the bejaysus out of me. Rather than try and explain it, have a look at a graphical representation or picture, if you will:


Now, I’m not sure about you but I don’t want my nephews or niece, playing Nahtzee. I dread to think what you have to do, to win!





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Pink Floyd back catalogue

There’s so much music available these days that my ears haven’t a clue what to be listening to. The internet has for some time now, been the driving force for music. MySpace is great, especially for newer or unsigned bands. Internet radio caters for every niche imaginable and upload sites such as YouTube allow us to watch music videos on demand. The debate rages on in my head as to which is better – today’s music or the music of the day before today, i.e. yesterday. If you were to ask me to describe my favourite band of the past, I’d have to say the Pink Floyd back catalogue looks as good to me as it ever did:

 


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Hands Face

Times are tough. Our hands are busy but this wasn’t always the case. At one stage our hands would shake hands with other hands and give a thumbs up to co-operation. These days hands are too busy trying to line pockets with financial gain but I have an optimistic hope for the future. A future where I see hands coming together and working in harmony. A future where hands will carry forward great positivity into great productivity. Please put your hands together and make some noises of approval. If you don’t wish to do this, you could always use your hands to make a face:





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How can I decide?

Some things are just not easy. I’ve been pacing about the place all day, trying to make a decision. I weigh up the pros and the cons and then choose what I think is the best option. A few moments later I change my mind and I’m back to square one again. This is how I’ve spent the last 6 hours and I’m no nearer to a definitive answer. When you’re faced with such a life changing decision, you have to be careful. There’s so much riding on the outcome of what I do. Right, I just can’t choose so I’m going to open it up to the floor so you guys can help. What would you do:

Bill Y

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The picture says what I want to say

I don’t like work.

You don’t like work.

He/She doesn’t like work.

We don’t like work.

You (all) don’t like work.

They don’t like work.

I don’t think I’ve left anyone out. If I have, what are you going to do about it? Going to work bothers me. Arriving in work bothers me. Having to pretend I give a damn about work bothers me. There’s an old adage that says ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’. This picture is worth a million words:

 
Bill Y
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Phil Y gets a dose of the heebie jeebies

Things are starting to get a bit strange at It's good to mock HQ. Phil Y has got it into to his head that some weird voodo curse is targeting him and preventing him form doing his work. The tools of a Mocker are eyes - to view the mockee and mouth - to speak of the mockee. We then just stick a few words and pictures together and present them to you. Phil Y thinks his eyes and mouth are trying to leave his body and thus, stop him form mocking. I know what you're thinking - I laughed too when he told me. Having said that, he rolled up his sleeve and presented some compelling evidence:

To be cont...

Bill Y

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Bringing home the Bacon

At It’s good to mock, we like to think of ourselves as Public Servants, delivering daily doses of nonsense, every day. We like taking breaks from our work and during these breaks, we like to eat and drink. We especially like bacon and for a long time we thought there were only a selected few bacon related products available. On closer inspection, we realised there were more than we first thought. I wouldn’t go as far as say we dream of bacon but as soon as we get up, we head to the bathroom and are reminded of it immediately:

Bacon Soap                 Bacon Toothpicks            Bacon Floss

This just gets us in the mood and as I get ready for work and put on my:

Bacon Tie                   

Quickly check the time on my Bacon Watch




I don’t eat much lunch just a Bacon Choc Bar & large Diet Coke with Bacon:
 
It’s important to plan for the unexpected so I always carry some:
Bacon Bandages

I like ice cream. Can you guess my favourite kind? Yes of course you can. It’s:

Bacon Ice Cream

Jill Y is fond of shoes, so I recently got her some:

Bacon Shoes

Last but not least, Bacon can also be used as a bargaining tool as this lady clearly understands:

Bill Y
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Barneygate – The truth is revealed

Sometimes you find out something that tears at the very fabric of society, something that has evilly become ingrained into everyday life and you just want to shout - “Told you so”. You knew it all along but couldn’t open your mouth for fear of becoming a laughing stock. All of that “I love you” was just too good to be true and you knew it all along. Deep in the corridors of power was a cover up as big as Simon Cowell’s ego and all of a sudden, you finally have the proof you always knew existed. Allow me to shatter the illusion so carefully designed to massively confuse the bejaysus out of you:

Barney:

1) Start with the given:
CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR

2) Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway):
CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

3) Extract all Roman Numerals:
C V V L D I V

4) Convert into Arabic values:
100 5 5 50 500 1 5

5) Add all the numbers:
666

Thus, Barney is Satan!

“I love you” – I think not

Now that Barneygate is out in the open, we must begin to restore some sense of normality to our daily lives but my work is only beginning. I still have doubts about that bear in the big blue house!
Bill Y
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We try not to mock the boat but sometimes…

We’re scared of lots of things. If we were to make a list it would include clowns, waking up and waking up and finding Amy Winehouse attractive. We like to think we’re a friendly collective of massively confused individuals and were very surprised to receive the following letter – to protect the privacy of the sender, we’ve not used Deirdre’s real name:

Dear IGTM,

I began visiting your site 8 weeks ago and immediately enjoyed the way you mocked Bon Jovi, Jodie Foster and that lying, cheating dog, Thierry Henry. Since then, I’ve logged on most days and always got a good laugh out of your posts. Sometimes I would play a game where I would try and guess what the next day’s post was going to be. It truly was the highlight of my day. Things changed dramatically for me when I logged on to the site on Friday, December 18, 2009 and was met with a post called ‘Scare the ruck out of them’. I’m sure you know the post I refer to – it’s the one where you mock the rugby team, Stade Francais for having a pink jersey. It just so happens that I’m a big fan of the club and was appalled to see that you had chosen to direct your mocking at such a talented and respected club. I was so shocked that I immediately cancelled by broadband subscription and have not have not been on the internet since. That night,I began to have nightmares about been mocked by you. I know it might seem strange but by mocking Stade Francais, you’ve proven you’re not afraid of anyone so what’s to stop you from mocking me? I’ve mentioned this to my analysts who tell me that I need to communicate my fears with you and ask for your assistance. Can you please see it in your heart to remove the Stade Francais post? By doing this you will restore my faith in humanity and will allow me to sleep without the nightmares.

Regards,

Deirdre

We were very surprised by Deirdre’s request. Not the actual request to remove the Stade Francais post but the fact that people still write letters and post them. As she went to the trouble of writing, we thought it only fair to return the compliment and composed the following letter:

Dear Deirdre,

No.

Regards, 

IGTM

Bill Y
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Please don’t listen to Bon Jovi, kids

I like things. I like mocking and I like sleeping. Sometimes the mocking makes me tired and I ask myself if sleeping is better than mocking or if mocking is better than sleeping. Then I decide to stop talking to myself as I prefer talking to other people instead. I sometimes worry about things. I worry about liking coffee, why a child’s bones heal faster than an adult’s and yawning at my boss at the very wrong time. Music is an important part of who I am and I've had the privilege of working with some great musicians. I have a diverse taste in music, preferring jazzy, funky stuff but sometimes worry if the today’s kids are listening to what Bon Jovi play, rather than music. Here’s some real music:

Bill Y