The internet – A place where you’ll find men dressed as bears and women

Jill Y was telling me about the time she tried online dating. She said she met some interesting people but it didn't quite work out for her. There was one response she got which looked quite good:



She asked if I ever tried online dating and I laughed as she obviously never heard of Rule 30:

Sugartastic Daddy John does the business

Jill  Y wasn’t always a Scientist. Back in the day, she was a lady of the night who worked for Sugartastic Daddy John. Sugartastic has since become a great friend of ours and he too has recently got out of the ‘Hooker Booker’ business. These days he provides muscle to loan sharks, rather than providing people who do people for money. In an attempt to go legitimate, he recently opened a shop selling puppies. We went to his office to meet up for lunch but judging by his opening hours, I don’t think he’s exactly cut out for the average 9 to 5 job:

Boys and their toys

We’re getting a bit worried about little Dill Y’s friends. Don’t get us wrong, they seem like nice kids. We’re just a little concerned about some of the things they get up to while playing with their toys. We hope Dill Y grows up to become a Scientist like Jill Y or a good for nothing loser like myself. One of his friends, Chuck (or as we like to call him – the one with the head that’s too big for his body) had a stormtrooper and some other toy but he started doing things with it that we’re not too keen on:

Mathematics – Harder than heart surgery

I may be as intelligent as a 14 month old baby with Alzheimer's disease but I do know a couple of things about a couple of things. Mathematics is definitely not one of them. If you ever want to massively confuse the bejaysus out of me, ask me about mathematics and watch as I become as useful as a chocolate teapot. Jill Y has been threatening to teach me about it for a long time but her teaching methods can have some far reaching consequences. The last person she taught, will never forget the experience:

It’s good to mock - doing our bit to crush commercialism, consumerism and capitalism

This world is far too involved in commercialism, consumerism and capitalism. At It’s good to mock, we decided to do our bit to change things for the better. We began working on changing the little things within our control and began with Little Dill Y. We love the brat, despite his love of toys that could easily cost us lots of money. Our plan was to stop him asking for so many toys. One day when he was asleep, we dressed up as clowns, woke him up by unexpectedly by shining a torch on him and showed him a toy rabbit. This had the desired effect because he has never asked for a toy rabbit since that day:

The Dark Nightmare

Sometimes people just can’t help themselves. I never thought I‘d want to cut my ears off, put them in a locked box and run over them with a bulldozer, every time I hear a Bon Jovi track but I do. Bon Jovi never though that Obama would classify them as WMD – Weapons of Musical Destruction and lock all their albums in an underground bunker for fear of boring a nation into submission in time of war but he did. The cast of Batman -  The Dark Knight never thought they would go to watch High School Musical and enjoy it so much that they danced their way back to the studio in the car after the show but they did:

That’s Life

Some of the meetings at It’s good to mock turn into heated debates. What can start out as a simple discussion about thermonuclear dynamics can easily turn into questions about that purple Barney dinosaur. I’m not exactly sure how this happened but Jill Y started talking about penguins and all of a sudden we were talking about to how to describe human life to aliens. Jill Y wanted to write some poetry to explain what people are all about. I said I’d rather explain it like this

The all seeing Eye

People always ask us how we know so much. Rather than simply tell them that we’re smarter than they are, we like to tell them that we’re an instinctive collective who have a keen understanding of human nature  and that people are fundamentally the same as each other. We then mention some big words, throw in ‘psychology’ and pretend to look all serious as if we have a clue what we’re talking about. Psst, the real reason we know so much is that we live inside the computer and can see everything. In fact, we’re watching you right now. And you, yes you sending that email to your girlfriend – we’re telling your wife on you. And what about you, watching that girl on girl stuff – much respect. Don’t for a moment think that we haven’t got our eye on you.

If you come across Kevin indulging in this behaviour, for his own sake, please stop him.

It’s sometimes easy to take for granted the many uses of the internet. According to the first things that pop into our head, the top uses of the internet are: email, research, downloading files, games, banking, job hunting, etc. Let’s take a look at ‘downloading files’. There are always going to be some people who download stuff that may get them into trouble. To hack a long story short, we’re talking about those who download corn. You may be of the opinion that downloading corn is personal choice and that it does no harm. To an extent this is true but like everything that is done to excess, addiction is sometimes only lurking around the corner:

Not a very technical way to resolve an argument type thingy but one that works anyway.

We’re simple folk at It’s good to mock. We use simple ways to solve the more complex issues. This is not because the simplest way is necessarily the best way, it’s just that we’re not very bright and can usually only think of the massively obvious. Jill Y wanted to get an iPad and was going on about how beneficial it would be to have one. I told her that an iPad was about as useful as Blu-Tack and this of course escalated into a major discussion/argument type thingy. We wrote out a list and compared the iPad to Blu-Tack. It was a closely fought contest that ended in a 1 – 1 draw:

Some sequels are better than the original

It wasn’t that long ago that Jill Y made me go to a see a chick flick and I really don’t like those films at all. My idea of a good film is Back to the Future, Back to the Future ll and Back to the future lll.  The only reason I agreed to go to see the film is that she promised she’s do certain ‘favours’ for me that she’d never done before. The film she chose was called Brokeback Mountain. As I slept through most of it, I’m not exactly sure what it was about but this review was taken from a movie website:

Set against the sweeping vistas of Alberta's Rocky Mountains, this film tells the story of two young men - a ranch-hand and a rodeo cowboy - who meet in the summer of 1963 and unexpectedly forge a lifelong connection, one whose complications, joys and tragedies provide a testament to the endurance and power of love.

I woke up at the end as the audience in the cinema were clapping loudly. They’ve just announced a sequel to the film and as I’m a nice guy, I think I’ll bring Jill Y to the premiere. I have to say I was really impressed with the poster for the film and the cast looks massively interesting too:

Conservation of movement and energy

Life can very often move at a hectic pace. For this reason, It’s good to mock HQ is an intentionally chilled out place to hang out. When we come home from a day of constant hustle and bustle, we like to unwind and slow things down to this pace:



This tends to relax the mind and allows creativity to flow. Then I get to work on my novel - “Why don’t you go ahead and Mock yourself, you good for nothing tosser?” Jill Y also works on her novel - War is not the answer unless the question is: “What is a state of organized violent conflict that is engaged in between two or more separate social entities?”

Look + Listen = Leaning

At It’s good to mock, we’re firm believers of the old adage ‘it’s never to late to learn’. I’m not sure if it’s because we spent out teenage years Mocking instead of learning but it takes us a long time to realise certain things. It was only last Thursday that I found out The Beatles broke up and Sir Paul McCartney joined a band called Wings. I hope Wings play live soon because I like what I’ve been hearing. Jill Y’s a pretty smart cookie and has a job as a Scientist but she’s never understood Equations. She’s taught me so many things so I thought I would help her out with the maths. I gave her a few examples and she had it sorted before you could say “When a doctor gets sick and another doctor doctors him, does the doctor doing the doctoring have to doctor the doctor the way the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored, or does the doctor doing the doctoring of the doctor doctor the doctor as he wants to do the doctoring?”
 

What bothers the bejaysus out of us? – Jill Y has her say

It’s time for us to share some things that bother the bejaysus out of us, at It’s good to mock HQ. Today, Jill Y has her say:

Lot’s of people like sending texts and emails and this is a good thing. Communicating like this has enriched our lives considerably. What isn’t good is that lots of people constantly substitute the English language with abbreviations, smiley’s and acronyms and have no thought for the left behind English language. Have you people no compassion? Back in the day, not so long ago, the English language was fully employed, along with other major languages such as Chinese Mandarin and Spanish. Then things started to take a turn for the worse. First they cut the English language’s overtime. Next, it’s wages were cut. After that they cut back on it’s hours. All of a sudden, it had to share it’s hours with Chinese Mandarin, Spanish and other languages.  Allow me to draw your attention to the sick changes that you have allowed to happen in our society:



 

Riddle me this

Today, It’s good to mock breaks with tradition and enriches your life in a different way for today we do not Mock. Today we pose a riddle. We don’t claim to know the answer because we don’t know the answer but do you?

Drink the right juice, or else…

I heard a joke. I won’t say it’s the funniest joke I’ve ever heard but when a 7 year old gets all excited and tongue tied when she’s trying to explain it, you just have to pretend it’s the funniest thing that anyone ever said to you. To be honest, I didn’t get it at first. See what you think:

‘Drink apple juice – OJ will kill you’

Does it make sense to you? I was then dragged to a computer and shown the following:





Then it became funny-ish. Well, as funny as a 7 year old knowing about someone who was acquitted of murder and is currently serving a jail sentence for armed robbery and kidnapping, can be.

It’s good to mock – bringing Mocking to the masses through the classes

Yesterday was a good day as I achieved an ambition. Jill Y’s father is a school principal. We get on very well as we both think that crowded elevators smell different to midgets. I’ve been trying to talk him into letting me teach Mocking to his students. Yesterday he agreed and I took my first class. I was a little bit nervous before getting to the school but I had nothing to worry about. The first thing I asked the class to do was to mock me as soon as I turned my back. They took to the task like a duck out of water:
 

The biggest lesson that a parent can share with their son

Even though little Dill Y is only a baby, I get really excited when I think of all the things that I’m going to teach him. He’s going to have everything I didn’t have when I was growing up. He’s going to be shielded from the sound of Bon Jovi  for a start. He’ll have the option of learning as many musical instruments as he wants. He’ll be involved in sports, drama, mocking and anything he shows the slight bit of interest in. I look forward to the day when I tell him about the birds and the bees and also about where babies come from. Then there’s the biggest lesson that a parent can share with their son:

   

Baby got moves

There are certain things in life which disgusts to the core of your very being. For It's good to mock, these would include Clowns, Bon Jovi and women with beards. Conversely, there are things that restore your faith in humanity such as Chuck Norris, women who kiss each other when they’re drunk and when you realise that little Dill Y has put the moves on a young lady that he picked up at the local shop. We should probably explain that last one in a bit more detail.

Jill Y and I, took little Dill Y to the shops. He became massively animated as soon as he saw a doll with blonde hair and wouldn’t stop until we bought it for him. Jill Y was concerned because he wanted a girly doll rather than a manly action man but for the sake of stopping him throwing things at the shopkeeper, we caved in and got it. No sooner had we arrived home and taken him out of his pram, than he got down to business and we were just the proudest parents ever. This picture is definitely going to be framed:

Nothing to see here, move along

Sometimes we struggle to understand why some people are so uptight and intent on political correctness that they totally miss the real evil in the world such as racism, lack of human rights and Bon Jovi. Never let it be said that It’s good to mock does not cater for all tastes. For the very sad, miserable and uptight losers out there:

Questions – Where would we be without them?

Everywhere I go, people ask me questions. Why isn’t there mouse flavoured cat food? What do sheep count when they can’t sleep? If a black box flight recorder is never damaged in a plane crash, why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff? I need to spend my day Mocking and sometimes don’t have the time for questions. I asked my boss if she would stop asking me questions. She only went and asked me, why? People are so obsessed with asking questions, that they’ve now began asking questions of animals as the below depiction depicts:
 

ANOTHER use for Cats

This world is stupid and it’s not fair. Jill Y is a scientist and gets to play with time machines, all the time. I’m not allowed to use the time machine or even touch the thick green liquid stuff that makes you invisible to your boss. The other day, Jill Y was in work and I had a day off so I decided to do a little experiment.
When you throw buttered toast in the air, it always lands butter side down. I got myself some buttered toast and put it to one side. When you throw a cat in the air, it always lands on its feet. With the help of my mate Dave ‘no Adam's apple’ Durkin, I located a cat and my mind started going through some sort of strange thought process where I combined the buttered toast and the cat together and invented Antigravity:




To be cont…

What the dog done next

Jill Y is a dog person. Not only am I not a dog person, I'm not even a person so we differ quite a lot. We recently got a stupid dog and it does lots of stupid things. For some bizarre reason, it behaves fine when Jill Y is around. As soon as she leaves, it starts messing with my head. I've said this to her but she keeps telling me that I do worse things than her precious dog. Last night she went out so I set a trap and put some hamburgers on a table. I waited until the dog came in to do something stupid. Knowing Jill Y wouldn't believe me, I took a photo and left a little note on it. I can’t wait for her to come home, show her the picture and see what she thinks of this:

It seemed quite funny at the time and even funnier now

I think we might have done something wrong. It seemed quite funny at the time and even funnier now. Allow me to take you back to the day before yesterday. Jill Y and I were on a train, heading to the beach. We’re always saying that our sense of humour will get us into trouble one day. That day was the day before yesterday. A gentleman in a wheelchair boarded the train. We started chatting and he was a funny guy who had us laughing for ages. We were getting off at the same stop, when I decided to rip the seat from the train and give it to him as a present. He seemed happy enough with his present but the conductor on the train wasn’t pleased at all: