The day started like any other day. We came home and found Puddles in the rocking chair, knitting a jumper. Earlier that morning, I took my mocking self to the shower and then hypnotised the kitten. You might ask why we hypnotised the kitten in the first place and it’s a damn good question to ask. You see, Jill Y insists Puddles is the reincarnation of her Grandmother. I said “Don’t be ridiculous, with claws like that she’s more likely to be your mother” to which she replied by slapping me in the face with a wet penguin feeling that a fish would be a bit of an understatement. Next thing I know, two zoo officials knocked on the door enquiring about a missing penguin. Suddenly it occurred to me that in order to have a penguin on hand to slap me in the face with, Jill Y would of had to have prior knowledge of the days events. As I pondered this from my prison cell, where I was serving hard time for penguin thievery, I told them I thought it was a Nun. It gradually dawned on me that the true mastermind of this plan was Puddles. That kitten never liked me. The moral of the story:
The next time you buy a kitten, don’t train it to use your time machine.
