Pac-Man screamed as if his very existence was in danger

Little Dill Y has become friends with Pac-Man. We’re happy that they’re friends because Pac-Man is a forward thinking character who always has his wits about him and the way those ghosts chase him, he needs to be. He had a sleep over with Dill Y and they watched a movie. When the movie was finished, he went online, checked out some social network site and screamed as if his very existence was in danger:

Role Models

Apart from myself, I can’t really identify many role models for Little Dill Y to look up to. Let me rephrase that before she reads it: Apart from myself and the beautiful Jill Y, I can’t really identify many role models for Little Dill Y to look up to. Let me rephrase that before Darth Vader reads it and unleashes the power of the dark side: Apart from myself, the beautiful Jill Y and Darth Vader, I can’t really identify many role models for Little Dill Y to look up to. Vader is pretty cool:

Seriously, we are serious

The problem with being a complete and utter mocker is that people expect you to mock around the clock. Most of the time it isn't an issue but every once in a while, you have to share something which is by no means funny. We read a book about delivery, pace and timing and this is massively handy when you rely on comic effect.

Unfortunately, when we need to communicate bad news, we don't quite know how to turn off the comic effect and people think we're joking. In case this in anyway sounds remotely funny, please allow me to say that we are very very serious:


On Nov 9th in the year of 2010, Bon Jovi release a so called greatest hits album:

May music as we know it rest in peace.

Realising your full potential

How many of us can say we accomplished everything we wanted today? At It’s good to mock, we came close but Bon Jovi continue to make music. Thirsty Dave on the other hand can happily lay claim to such a feat. He wrote a list of things he wanted to achieve and had a few beers between each item. Thirsty Dave - we salute you:

Kids - You have to constantly watch them.

Kids - You try to teach them to use their Jedi powers for good but little Dill Y has us worried. Some might say it's wrong to teach your 5 year old how to hack a website but we see it as part of his education to becoming a genius. We had a tutorial on credit card scams but I think he misunderstood the exercise. We wanted to make him aware of the various scams that are out there in the big bad world but he decided  to come up with his own variation of an old theme:

I blame the parents.

Annual Chairathon

If there’s one thing Jill Y loves, it’s a good sale, midgets and the annual chairathon. For those not familiar with this event, it consists of a charity event for 3 legged chairs where 4 legged chairs attempt to highlight the plight of 3 legged chairs and how the world treats them as if they’re worth less. Please see below a horrific example of the abuse and torture, these poor chairs have to suffer:


 

For gods sake, please give what you can, no matter how small so these underprivileged pieces of furniture can stand on their own four legs just like other chairs and feel like they’re contributing to society again. 

Relief from the past

Little Dill Y complained about a toothache. I told him the pain was all in his head so he told his head that there was no pain and that was that. It got me thinking about what we would of done to relieve the pain if our son hadn’t mastered the power of mind over matter. Back in the day, there were different methods used for such ailments:

 

If you learn to focus on the things that really matter when you’re young, you’ll grow up focussing on the things that really matter.

We realise that we always go on about how much of a genius Little Dill Y is and that we're always telling you of the brilliant things he does. Rather than ease up on the stories, I thought I'd share one of my favourite pictures which illustrates how focussed the little guy really is:

Thirsty Dave has his fill

Thirsty Dave had a great night last night. He was telling us that he got 5 free sandwiches. We were intrigued and asked him to explain how he received not 1,2,3 or 4 but 5 free sandwiches. At the best of times Thirsty Dave doesn’t make a lot of sense. This is mainly due to the copious amounts of alcohol coursing through his veins. After 20 minutes of the most bizarre explanation imaginable, he produced the following piece of paper which explained everything:


   

I didn’t, did I?

I should probably begin by saying that I love Jill Y and wouldn't do a thing to hurt her. Having said that, I haven't been myself lately and she's starting to ask if everything is alright. I remember very little about the night in question. There was myself, Sugartastic Daddy John and Thirsty Dave. We were in Las Vegas and I won a large sum of money. Thirsty Dave handed me something and I drank it. Then the lights went out and when I woke up, it was 22 hours later. This all happened last May and Sugartastic and Thirsty Dave have refused to tell me what happened. I know Thirsty Dave was ordained as a Minister that night and Sugartastic legally became a woman before legally becoming a man again. They did tell me it was the night to beat all other nights and that I am a total legend but that's all they'll tell me. And then on Tuesday of this week, my life changed forever as the following picture was handed to me by a 7 foot tall black suited Zomba Recording Corporation employee with the accusing look of an accuser:

This is what it sounds like when eggs cry

Little Dill Y’s favourite words are “I want”.  If it’s not “I want sweets” or “I want toys”, it’s “I want to understand quantum physics”. Jill Y and I decided it was time for him to stop wanting everything so we did what any brilliant parents would do and started drawing faces on eggs. He loves eating eggs so we told him that every time he wants something, the eggs cry. A moment later and it was “I want eggs” so we showed him this picture of what happen every time he wanted something and he started crying but he stopped wanting straight away:



To be cont…

Prime Walken

Jill Y and I continue to be brilliant parents. Last night we decided to tell little Dill Y about the meaning of life. We didn’t employ religion, ethics or morals to help us achieve our aim for these are trivial things in the overall scheme of things. Instead, we decided to go focus on what really matters:

Always remember to never forget to remember

At It’s good to mock we make mistakes so you don’t have to. If you’re going to try and convince your son or daughter of the perils of alcohol, make sure you do so BEFORE you drink the beer you’ve just confiscated from them. Otherwise:

The will to learn is coming back

Each week for the last four years, Jill Y has attempted to teach me  something. We're not talking about something trivial like the difference between good and evil, morals or the reason for Paris Hilton. We're talking about that something that just doesn’t add up - Mathematics. Mathematics and I have no time for each other and it's massively personal. When I was littler, I wrestled with Mathematics but it got the better of me and we've been arch enemies ever since. Because of this, each week for the last 4 years, Jill Y has attempted to teach me Mathematics but has yet to succeed. She's highly inventive with her teaching methods but I just can't seem to grasp it. As usual, I decided to do my own thing and put a call through to our good friend Sugartastic Daddy John. Sugartastic brought some of his girls to the local library and like a miracle, I began to learn Mathematics. For some unknown reason, the librarian wasn't too happy with the lesson and when Jill Y arrived, she seemed slightly bothered too:




I think Jill Y is freaking out because my method is working and hers just wasn't. Sugartastic had a great idea. He wanted to use the same principle and make a video with the girls about Biology but something tells me Jill Y is not going to like this one either.

To be cont...

Our day out at the cinema

Jill Y, Sugartastic Daddy John, Thirsty Dave and I went to the cinema to see Inception the other day. While the majority of us enjoyed the film, Jill Y was particularly vocal in her condemnation of this modern classic. To quote her word for word:

"I  was amazed at the ineptitude of the story telling. Clearly Christopher Nolan has lost all artistic integrity. His scripts from Batman Begins onwards have lacked the poetic intensity and depth of a masterpiece like Memento."

Nobody in the collective wanted to be rude so we kept our opinions to ourselves. However later on at 11:56pm, I couldn't help but send her the following:



This expressed the feelings I could not show in public due to fear and a lawsuit pertaining to the 2010 support clause of our relationship agreement which states:

The male party in the aforementioned relationship shall not at any time between the hours of  12:00pm - 11:55pm through the medium of speech, image or interpretive dance, cause undue psychological or physical distress to the female party. Failure to comply with the above stipulation will incur a payment of watching Mama Mia every weekend for the next year.

Damn that relationship agreement. Can you imagine what it would be like to have to listen to Pierce Brosnan singing for a whole year.

A job is a job

Sugartastic Daddy John’s neighbours friends sister’s job is to chew hay for a horse with bad breath. Sugartastic Daddy John’s neighbours friends sister has been complaining about her job. We would like to begin this third sentence by telling Sugartastic Daddy John’s neighbours friends sister to shut up and stop complaining about her job because there are so many people out there with no job at all. We would like to begin this last sentence by telling Sugartastic Daddy John’s neighbours friends sister that she does not have the worst job in the world:

Saturation

I’m not saying Google is getting too big for their boots but the other day it told me it was not going to search for Chuck Norris

Google – without it’s search engine, It’s good to mock couldn’t even pretend to resemble a semi intelligent collective. Our favourite part is the way it attempts to guess what you’re looking for. One of the most searched terms on Google is Chuck Norris. I’m not saying Google is getting too big for it’s boots but the other day it told me it was not going to search for Chuck Norris:

32,000 tokens = 1 cuddly toy = 1 nurses uniform = 1 happy Bill Y

Every sometimes, Jill Y becomes totally girly. If you didn't know her, you could easily mistake her for a normal, rounded individual who doesn’t have any issues with people, places and things. We were at an amusement arcade and she insisted on playing games to win tokens for a cuddly toy. She was adamant that she wanted the toy and resorted to the classic blackmail of '’If I don't get the cuddly toy, you don't get to see me in the nurses uniform again'’. I done what any Bill Y would have done and won the toy. She was delighted with it but we had some serious trouble getting it home:

How to turn a horse into a horsedog in one easy step

We’ll start by saying that this is not, not cruel but most fun things are. Step one, show your 5 year old a picture of a chilled out moving horse. Here’s one we made earlier:





For added evilness you might want to give the horse a name and share the name with your 5 year old. This has the added effect of making the horse real. Here’s the really cool part. Distract the kid long enough to replace the horse with something else you prepared earlier, a la Horsedog:





Next, allow the kid to look at the new picture and watch the mass confusion as he/she tries to figure out how the nice moving horsey has become a static horsedog.

NB: Please note that some 5 year olds may cry as they just cannot seem to figure out what happened to the horsey. If this happens, tell him/her to shut up and grow up. 

To be cont…

It’s good to mock – turning negatives into positives since always

I made a mistake and parked somewhere I shouldn't have parked. I was in a hurry and didn't see the 'Private Parking' sign. I then had to somehow turn the incident to my advantage. I scratched my head and thought for a moment or two until the moment or two turned into 8 hours and then it hit me like an 8 hour delayed flash. I would show people a picture of the 'Private Parking' sign and give them a laugh:

This will put a smile on your face

Our favourite song at It’s good to mock HQ is Bobby McFerrin’s Don’t worry, be happy. It’s such a positive, uplifting song and McFerrin really is a musical genius. If you haven’t heard his stuff, your mission is to head over to YouTube and do so now. Well what are you waiting for, do it now but remember to come back because we haven’t quite finished.

Welcome back. Every time we hear Don’t worry, be happy, it puts us in an optimistic mood. There’s just so many things to be grateful for in this world. Positivity breeds positivity and it’s always possible to see humour even in the most basic of things. We should always walk around with a smile on our face and if you’re having difficulty smiling, you could always get one of those things that go round your head and make you smile: 

Friends wanted for 5 year old budding genius. Must be 5 years of age and have 6 years experience in a dynamic thermo nuclear related role.

You can never be too careful these days so before we allow little Dill Y to make new friends, we screen the prospective friend to make sure that they are intelligent enough. This might seem a bit extreme but when your 5 year old is being groomed to be a genius, the last thing you want is other kids dragging him down. The questions we ask are fairly basic - work history, previous relationships and any prior convictions for stunting the growth of a genius. You'd be surprised how many kids have a history of stunting the growth of a genius. In our part of the world, it's a hobby for some people. The last guy we interviewed was a guy called Jake Hunter Jr. If his name seems familiar, it's because there's a popular video game out at the moment Jake Hunter - Detective Chronicles. As Jake hunter Jr. waited in the waiting room he was reading a book. After he finished his aptitude test, we asked him about his name and what he was reading. He told us that he was the son of the Jake Hunter of the video game and he was reading a novel by someone else who was also called Jake Hunter. We were delighted when he showed us the book:



We like this guy and have allowed him to be friends with Dill Y. 

There goes our last chance of deliverance from sin

We wouldn’t be the most religious of folk at It’s good to mock HQ. Having said that, I recently became the patron saint of mockers and The Vatican does keep in contact with us. We have a sweet deal with the Pope too. We’re helping him out with a new mocktastic website to help turn the kids onto God. In return, he’s guiding us spiritually. It was all going well until Jill Y received the following note:



To be cont…