Of all the crazy dumb ass things I’ve seen, this has got to be the most ridiculous

I've been lied to before and I've been lied to again. For years, I've been led to believe that women don't fart or belch. Last night Jill Y done both! My entire belief system has changed and now I'm left with trust issues insofar as I don't think I can ever trust a woman again. Although this is such a heavy burden to live with, it pales into into significance compared to what happened this afternoon. Jill Y bought some new technical device which allows her to find where I hide the credit card. After some wrestling and some extra special loving, we agreed that she can go out and buy one item but that it can’t be shoes. She only has 3, 345 pairs of shoes so the deal was that she can buy anything except more of the same. She came home massively excited and couldn't wait to show me what she got and lo and behold, it wasn’t exactly shoes but shoes definitely had a part to play in it. I've never been left speechless before but this has just confused me to the max: