The closest shave a man can get

Sometimes life makes you feel so useless, worthless and little. Little Dill Y is 5 now and is on target to becoming a genius before his 6th birthday. Like all 5 year olds, he reads thermonuclear fusion, designs apps and works as consultant to Justin Bieber’s hair stylist. When he was two, he founded the first and some say only, Bon Jovi Un-appreciation Fan Club but the first rule of the Bon Jovi Un-appreciation Fan Club is: un-appreciate Bon Jovi. The second rule of the Bon Jovi Un-appreciation Fan Club is: rejoice in the un-appreciation and rejoice aloud. And so, we come to the most humiliating question a 5 year old budding genius can ask his not so bright father:

Dad, how do magnets work?

It was as if my whole world decided to cave in and go and watch Bon Jovi of it’s own free will. There’s no way I’ll ever understand how magnets work, in this life or the ones that follow. I looked at my son with a look of someone who’s just been asked how magnets work but is as confused as George Lucas is when he decides to make Star Wars prequels. I knew this day was going to arrive but didn’t think it would happen so soon. There was only one thing to do and it had to be done quickly. Whilst he was looking at me and I was looking at him with the eyes of a man who was massively confused, I showed him a picture of what his dog would look like, dressed in a suit and he smiled like only a 5 year old can smile, when he’s just seen what his dog would look like in a suit: