I’d love to learn Maths but there just aren’t enough hours in the day

There just aren't enough hours in the day these days. By the time you get up, get the little mocker ready for school and drop him off at school, it's already time for the 'Understanding why you don't like Bon Jovi' meeting. We continue to campaign but even Jill Y thinks it's going to be difficult to convince all the schools of the importance of understanding why you don't like Bon Jovi however we soldier on regardless while listening to the sweet sounds of The Clash. That last sentence was a long one but this one might be even longer as now we are officially bothered and if you were to ask why we’re bothered we would tell you it’s because we were looking for a parking space and came across a sign that said '24 your parking only' but can someone please explain to me what we are supposed to do for the other 5 hours:

My life is about to take a different course

Jill Y has had enough. Because I know so little about so much, she's signed me up for some courses. The one I'm really looking forward to is 'Understanding How Magnets Work - Elementary Level’. In the description of the course it states: a basic understanding of how to put one foot in front of the other is essential for students of the course. I've already completely mastered the art of walking so I should be alright. I'm also looking forward to 'Coping with the pressures of living in a world that accepts Bon Jovi as Musicians'. I have so much to learn with that one. There's one that I'm not too sure about. I haven't figured out exactly what it is I'll be learning and Jill Y doesn't seem to know either but it is guaranteed:

Get the hell out of here

At It's good to mock HQ, we struggle to make sense of the constant nonsense that surrounds us. We take great comfort in the knowledge that if we look hard enough, we can sometimes find other like minded souls who haven't a clue about what's going on around them. This week was a good week because this was the week we heard about an individual with an unusual gripe. This guy's particular struggle puts our massive confusion into perspective and makes us feel all normal inside:

No shoes in good news

There comes a time in every mans life when he has to stand up for himself, put his foot down and beg the lady in his life to stop buying shoes. Our new house has so many shoes that it resembles a new shoe warehouse full of new shoes. The thing that really confuses me to the max is that there are now 7,335 shoes co-existing with us in the (ware) house. Now I'm in no way qualified to understand maths but I'm fairly sure that Jill Y has two feet. If we take an estimate of one shoe per foot or two shoe's per pair of feet, there's always going to be one shoe too many. To double check this, I double checked it and got the same answer. I then went and studied for a few hours and it turns out that I'm right for a change. Because 7,335 is an uneven number and Jill was has an even amount of feet, there is always going to be one shoe too many. Because money's too tight to even think of mentioning, we sat down and had a heart to heart and she eventually promised to stop spending our credit on shoes. Now instead of buying shoes she buys cardboard boxes. They're so much cheaper than shoes and she seems happy enough with the arrangement:

The secret of happiness is…

Excuse us for a moment while we break from our mocking ways and get deep down and philosophical for a story of a massively confused man who so very nearly ended up discovering the secret of happiness. Hungry Howard Hannigan was a hungry man. His hunger was not for food nor funky music of the 70's but rather a hunger for the fruit of further knowledge. An inquisitive man by nature, he would rather find out how magnets work than find out that nobody will ever find out how magnets work. The word on the street was that the secret of happiness was to be found at a secret location and Hungry Howard called in a lot of favours to locate the secret location. He travelled for nearly an hour and approached his destination full of hope and dreams. Both hope and dreams were immediately shattered and all that was left was the horrible knowledge that he had come so far and so close only to be disappointed to his core:

This is not a joke

I'm afraid we don't have any of the usual nonsense today for today is not a fun or funny day. In a moment, I have to go and get a 5lb. rib roast in a plain brown bag but allow me to take you through a sequence of events. A short time ago, I walked into It's good to mock HQ and nobody was in. This in itself is highly unusual as there's usually somebody in. I called Jill Y's mobile but there was no answer. I called Little Dill Y's mobile but there was no answer. I called Sugartastic Daddy John, Scurvy Jane and Thirsty Dave and they didn't answer either. I got the distinct impression that nobody was answering their phone and alarm bells started sounding. I turned the alarm bells off and that's when I came across the note from the dog and now I have to head to the shops:

This could be the most important email you’ll ever ignore

To the casual depressive, it may appear that Jill Y and I have it all sorted out and we do. That's not to say that we're anywhere close to perfect. I sometimes forget to buy coffee and she sometimes forgets to remind me that I sometimes forget to buy coffee. Every couple of days, we get one of those emails forward this email to 10 people and it will make the so called music of Bon Jovi go away. We usually delete them straight away but I remember the day I met Jill Y for the first time because that was the day all the misery in my life went away. The day before I met her, I received one of those emails and for the laugh, I actually forwarded it on to 10 people. It totally changed my life. Maybe, just maybe, it might do the same for you:

The best toys are hard to find

Argument no. 887 - Little Dill Y figured out how magnets worked so I thought I would get him a present. Jill Y thought it was a stupid present. I thought it was a brilliant present as did Little Dill Y. In the normal course of events when Jill Y is wrong about something and everyone else is right about something, Jill Y is somehow still right about the thing. I'll never quite understand how that happens but it does happen and it happens all the time. Back to the present and the present - The little guy brings his new toy everywhere. The last time we were on a plane, he walked straight through security with it and nobody even batted an eyelid. It's such a cool toy, I wish I had one when I was littler. All I had when I was growing up was an imaginary friend but she doesn't like me talking about her so I'm not going to. The toy is called 'Invisible Jim' and he has realistic fake hair, a gripping hand and his mission is to save the world. Jill Y thinks it's a stupid present but that's because she can never find it when she wants to play with it:  

The fence is the best form of attack

When I'm asked for my opinion on something, I give it. Sometimes when I'm not asked for my opinion, I give it. One time, I thought someone was thinking about asking for my opinion and I gave it quicker than a cheetah chasing a rat up a drainpipe. The same cannot be said for Thirsty Dave. The man has made sitting on the fence into an art form. Born and bred in a pub, when Scurvy Jane asked him if he preferred beer or spirits, he only went and gave a two hour speech on the benefits of both. Last week I asked him if he would rather be stuck in a lift with Bon Jovi singing a Justin Bieber song or Justin Birber singing a Bon Jovi song. True to form, he immediately sat on the fence and has been sleeping their since:

Jill Y and the big picture

Those of you who know things, knew this was going to happen one day and that day has finally arrived. I need help. There, I've said it and I feel better already. I'm about as subtle as Paris Hilton in front of a camera and don't know what to do. Jill Y and I have had our ups and downs but we've always promised to be honest with each other. Because of this, I have to tell her something and am really nervous as to how she’s going to take it. She had no problems telling me that I'm a good for nothing, talentless waste of good for nothing space but I still feel bad about what I have to do. She's been working long hours lately and has been eating a lot of junk food. She says I drive her to drink so she's been drinking a lot of beer too. Her body is beginning to change and if I'm brutally honest, I'd go as far as saying she's become huge. It's not just me who has noticed it, her friends have started to notice it too. I just don't know how I'm going to say it to her:

Something will happen and here’s why

We may not be able to predict the future at It’s good to mock but as sure as ferrets are ferrets and eggs are eggs and a slippery eel is slippery, Jill Y and I will have an argument. This is a fact. It will happen. It’s only a matter of when. It will be my fault as it always is my fault and until I acknowledge this fault, the argument has the potential to last decades. A recent study into the projected population of California reckons the population will have doubled by 2040. This in itself is an amazing discovery but when you find out how it’s going to double, you’ll be doubly amazed:

Thirsty Dave makes it his business

There’s a reason why Sugartastic Daddy John is a businessman. He knows how to make the right decisions at the right time and his choices are usually right on. There’s a reason why Thirsty Dave is not a businessman. He hasn’t a clue about anything that doesn’t involve drinking, buying or brewing beer. Once a year, on the last day of Octember when the thirsty one is sober, an annual event takes place which is eclipsed in stature only by The Super Bowl. Boots are put on the other feet as Thirsty Dave looks after one of Sugartastic Daddy John’s shops and the The Daddy goes for a beer. On this day, the thirsty one lets the power go to his head and makes the rules up as he goes along. Like I sad, there’s a reason why he’s not a businessman:

It’s Good to Mock presents–The Evolution of Mankind

Of all the stupid things that we constantly go on about, it’s hard to choose our favourite. When you have such a vast back catalogue of good for nothing nonsense, you’re spoiled for choice. The time we proved that the earth was round is one of my particular highlights. Scurvy Jane has fond memories of the time she was laughed at for suggesting that we all need food for energy. We all know who had the last laugh with that one. Sugartastic Daddy John always speaks of the time he dropped Thirsty Dave at the pub and charged him for it. These days, you can jump into plenty of cars and pay the driver to take you to your destination. As we’re a forward thinking collective, we don’t believe in resting on our laurels so we’re going to share something with you which is probably going to be hard to believe. All we ask is that you take our track record into consideration and dismiss it without giving it much thought. The more people who tell us we’re wrong, the more we’ll know we’re right for this is the way of the stubborn Mocker. Before we totally forget what we’re supposed to be talking about, please allow us to tell you that mankind evolved from plants:

Thirsty Dave describes what happened in his own words

I taught myself everything I know. That’s probably why I know so little. I taught Thirsty Dave that he should never turn down a job because money is money and these days it’s harder to make money than it is to make believe that Bon Jovi make music that is in any way musical. The thirsty one was offered a job by one of those local newspapers that cover local stories in localities. The job didn’t exactly require a great deal of ability. He had to attend local events like christenings, weddings, charity events and take some pictures for the paper. The first day went well and he took the pictures and some short details of the events. He then showed us a first draft of his first day’s work and I got the distinct impression that he hadn’t really got his heart in it. For a man who can order a beer in 6909 languages, he certainly wasn’t very descriptive with his words:

Follow our advice and always follow your passion

Have you ever been drinking a cup of coffee and suddenly really realize that you hate Bon Jovi? Have you ever heard a great song and then realized that you hate Bon Jovi? Have you ever wrote a list of the things you hate and the list contains nothing but Bon Jovi. If you've answered Yes to any or all of the above questions, chances are you're not a Bon Jovi fan and by default, an individual with good musical taste. If you happen to be an individual who loves Bon Jovi with a passion, we salute you for not everyone has a passion. David Morgan is someone who has a passion and as much as we want to salute him, we just can’t seem to do it:

Einstein’s theory of why Bon Jovi are so bad

We're working our way through the classics at It's good to mock, dispelling unpopular myths as we go along. Today we're working with Einstein’s theory of why Bon Jovi are so bad. We have definitive proof that this theory does NOT exist. Albert Einstein was born in 1879 and died when he was 76 in 1955. In 1983, 28 years after Einstein's death, Bon Jovi  began creating their mundane, so called music. If we take the factual viewpoint that Einstein was dead before Bon Jovi became a so called band, we can safely assume that he did not produce a theory about them. Tomorrow It’s good to mock disproves the little held belief that Shakespeare wrote Star Wars:

How to kick a terrorist when he’s down

One of the more difficult questions you will hopefully never have to ever ask yourself is "how hard do I kick a terrorist?". It's not an easy question and there is no easy answer. There are many schools of thought on the subject and these schools of thought are not taught in schools. Terrorist kicking is as much an art form as a sport and the intensity of the kick can have varying results. In the first part of our one part story, one man tells us how hard he kicked a burning terrorist and the outcome of that kick: 

The internet and censorship

The internet and censorship. The argument goes back thousands of years to the beginning of the internet itself. A wise man once said "Bon Jovi are to music, what bagpipes are to music". That wise man was me and I transmitted said sentiment to many, many people over the many, many networks to many, many people. We’d love to be knowledgeable about stuff and present an argument about the pros and cons of internet censorship but we’re too busy trying to figure out how magnets work. One thing we do know is that internet censorship is very much based on geographical location and not all countries allow freedom of speech so we should never take for granted what we sometimes take for granted. Believe it or not, not everybody can say this:

Ask, receive and sell

Some people sometimes say something wrong but not me. I always say something wrong. If there was a Noble prize for saying stupid things, I would not only win the award, I would make the prize into a robot and the robot would say something wrong. Due to the recession, we've been forced to stop spending the money we don't have and start selling things we’ve borrowed from friends. As you can imagine, our friends are not too happy about this and lately, they’ve started to say things like “we’re not too happy about this”. I don’t really see what the problem is. If they don’t want us to sell their stuff, they shouldn’t let us borrow from them in the first place. I think we might be a bad influence because Little Dill Y’s friend has been watching the way we do things and now he’s started selling stuff too:

Don’t mess with time

A man laughed at a man crying at a man. Two of the people involved were Sugartastic Daddy John and Thirsty Dave. Nobody knows who done the laughing and who done the crying but according to legend, there was an alarm clock involved. The details are sketchy to say the least but apparently Thirsty Dave was late for work, 369 days in a row. The word on the street is that he had somehow attempted to stop time and the alarm clock wasn’t impressed at all:

Everything that’s wrong with this world

We've always something to say. It may not be of any interest to anyone but that's never mattered to us before and it isn't going to make a blind bit of difference now. Jill Y and I are as similar as coffee and the look on a big headed cheetah’s face as Usain Bolt casually runs past him with a self satisfying grin on his self satisfying, smug little face. Jill Y is a Scientist and I have as much time for Science as I have for Bon Jovi tribute bands. I say potato, she says tomato and when she does, it reminds me of everything that’s wrong with this world:

Not the best band ever and here’s the proof

We realize that the world is a messed up place and that some people actually like the so called music of Bon Jovi. We also realize that we tell you on an almost daily basis that we don't like Bon Jovi. On reflection, we've decided that that's not going to change but rather than listen to the same thing over and over again like a record going right round, right round, we decided to try a little experiment. We wanted to draw our deep rooted feelings on Bon Jovi to the surface to deal with them just like grown ups. Little Dill Y refused to do his homework so we decided he would have no supper and go to a Bon Jovi concert as punishment. No sooner had we gone online to order tickets than we were confronted with what we already knew about fans of the worst band since Creed:

 

 

A picture is worth a thousand words

Fotography - It's like the misspelling of 'Photography'. We all like taking pictures. Some do so with high powered cameras, some with the cameras on their phone and some even take mental pictures with their mind. As our mind is not sufficiently advanced to think about anything except disliking Bon Jovi and how magnets work, we'll focus on fotography with high powered cameras. Theses day’s the right camera can catch the briefest of moments in the blink of an eyelid. The first time Jill Y’s Dad met Pebbles is a moment he’ll never forget. He has the scars and the picture to remember the day:   

How I met your mother

Little Dill Y asked how his mother and I met. Although not a fascinating story by any means, I told him that I first met his mother when she was playing with her friends and I was attracted to her as soon as I laid eyes on her:

Reduce your carbon footprint

How many of us can say that we really make a difference? We can all say it but how many of us actually effect humanity for the greater common good? It's good to mock is not a charitable organization but if we were, we would seek to do the charitable thing and campaign for an end to the so called music of Bon Jovi. If the so called music of Bon Jovi didn't pollute our planet, the world would be a much happier place and the sun would shine on a world full of hopes and dreams. If there's one thing you do today, please stop listening to the so called music of Bon Jovi. For each person who stops listening to this most mundane of music throughout the month of Octember, we will send a letter to Bon Jovi and Bon Jovi will not give any money to charity. For every ten people who stop listening to Bon Jovi in Octember, will not send a letter to Bon Jovi and this will reduce the carbon footprint. So what are you waiting for? Don't stop listening to Bon Jovi or your own, do it with 9 other people and help reduce the carbon footprint: