This is not a joke

I'm afraid we don't have any of the usual nonsense today for today is not a fun or funny day. In a moment, I have to go and get a 5lb. rib roast in a plain brown bag but allow me to take you through a sequence of events. A short time ago, I walked into It's good to mock HQ and nobody was in. This in itself is highly unusual as there's usually somebody in. I called Jill Y's mobile but there was no answer. I called Little Dill Y's mobile but there was no answer. I called Sugartastic Daddy John, Scurvy Jane and Thirsty Dave and they didn't answer either. I got the distinct impression that nobody was answering their phone and alarm bells started sounding. I turned the alarm bells off and that's when I came across the note from the dog and now I have to head to the shops: