I’m a man and have yet to attain the superpower of trying to read her massively confused, minefield of a mind

Very often Jill Y will say one thing but will mean something totally different. If for example, I put in a request to leave the house to go drinking with Thirsty Dave and Sugartastic Daddy John, she sometimes says “Yes” but what she actually means is “No, stay in with me and we can have a romantic night in, counting the thousands of pairs of shoes I have”. I’m told this is something I’ll never understand because I’m a man and have yet to attain the superpower of trying to read her massively confused, minefield of a mind. As it happens, newspapers too can say one thing and mean something completely different: