Thirsty Dave makes refurbishment into an art form

Thirsty Dave’s thirst knows no bounds but those who think his thirst is merely for the alcoholic beverage are massively mistaken. In a move as unlikely as a tuneful Bon Jovi song, the thirsty one has started his own refurbishment business. He uses old computers that are no longer of any use and works his magic to make them useful again:

Deadly Mike “two-time killer” Johnston

We have no time at all for racism, egoism or Bon Jovi fanaticism at It’s good to mock. We do however have a lot of time for absurdism, realism and atheism. Little Dill Y’s friend Deadly Mike “two-time killer” Johnston is a kid with a past who is rightly concerned about his future and the result of a recent test didn’t exactly fill him with hope:

The cherished possessions of a man’s obsession

Some say that this day was always going to happen. Like something that’s inevitable, they said that this was inevitable. On reflection, it’s hard to disagree with them but hindsight is not afforded to all. There’s a school of thought who believe that this day is merely another day in the the life-cycle of a legend. Remember where you where on the day that you first saw Thirsty Dave’s new car – a car made from the cherished possessions of a man’s obsession:

Thirsty Dave and some sort of black magic curse or something

Nobody knows how exactly he does it but Thirsty Dave exudes an alcoholic glow that women find irresistible rather than irritable. It seems to matter not that he speaks in tongues, unknown to the sober. Although conversation is not one of his strong points, he always manages to get his point across just before he collapses. Many have asked how he ever got a girlfriend and many have got no answer. In a move that we can only assume has some sort of black magic curse attached to it, his latest lady friend has started to ask herself some questions:

Ladies, please don’t buy these

There are certain products that improve our lives for the better. Ear plugs that block out the so called music of Bon Jovi are one such product as is GPS which alerts you when you are close to a Bon Jovi fan. For these we are truly thankful. Unfortunately, every hexagonal has two sides and for every product that betters mankind, there’s always one that shouldn’t be allowed to get to the shops:

Do you own an Amazon Kindle?

Jill Y has the type of voice that makes people cry. She once spoke to Scurvy Jane on the phone and bored her to tears. As a Scientist, she knows the scientific reason why something called The Jonas Brothers are as relevant to music as Bon Jovi are to music. She's really into statistics and is just happy not to be in the 2%:

Happy Christmas Little Dill Y

Little Dill Y is at that awkward age where he's beginning to grow and ask questions about stuff. Because both Jill Y and I are cowards, we never go to extremes and sit down to talk to him when we can simply get him a book that explains things much better than we ever could. These days, parents can avoid talking to their kids in all sorts of creative ways and books are our preferred method of non-communication. We believe it’s important for him to read as much as possible as it stops him from talking to us and the latest one we got is a little gem:

Free software at discounted prices

Sugartastic Daddy John is an entrepreneur, par excellence who has been known to make money from nothing but paper and a printing press. He has a real ‘can do’ attitude and has published several books in his imagination about how to make money from no money. He's a motivational person and sometimes being in the same room as him can have a positive effect on the easily impressed. Scurvy Jane was talking to him yesterday about the price of software and before you could say Can you imagine an imaginary menagerie manager imagining managing an imaginary menagerie, she had opened a shop selling free software at discounted prices:

The story of the convoy of 9 bears

Christmas time tends to remind Sugartastic Daddy John of Christmas in the same was as the music of Bon Jovi reminds me that Bon Jovi are a terrible excuse for a band. Sometimes Jill Y thinks I make things up so she's hardly going to believe the story of the convoy of  the 9 bears. Thankfully I had a camera with me:

Religion Free

Little Dill Y came as close to figuring out how magnets work as anyone ever will so we decided to get him a present as a present. He wanted a dvd player but we didn't want to get him one that played all those religions. You have to be careful these days for dvd players are known to favour Christianity, Islam, Buddhism and Judaism as well as other religions we know nothing about. Jill Y and I must have searched for nearly 3 whole minutes but we eventually found exactly what we were looking for, thank God/Allah/Buddha:

Etc. End of Thinking Capacity

Sugartastic Daddy John has been called a lot of things in the past and will be called a lot of things in the future which will in time, become the past. One thing he definitely cannot be accused of is lazyizm. The legend of our time has so much on his plate that stuff keeps falling off the plate and ending up on the floor. Then the floor has to be cleaned and he never once complains about it. Thirsty Dave is a totally different fish kettle. He sleeps in an ‘I am lazy’ t-shirt and washes his hair in ‘lazy for men’ shampoo. If there’s an easy way out, the thirsty one will not only find it but will probably ask it out for a beer. His favourite word is one of the laziest words there is:

Bear witness to the question that beats all questions

Sugartastic Daddy John is not the type of inspirational genius who is afraid to ask stupid questions. There's actually a school of taught who believe that he only asks stupid questions and very shortly you may just enroll in that school too. For reasons that are far too boring to go into, he found himself in court testifying that Scurvy Jane doesn't have a skin disease. Words were exchanged, he said what he had to say and then went back to being his brilliant self. That’s when the question arose:

Why I like to order things online

Sugartastic Daddy John is a not a great believer in online shopping, preferring to go through the hell of talking to people rather than sitting  comfortably in front of the computer box with nothing on except his birthday suit. I differ in that I am not the same and prefer the complete opposite:

Wise words of wisdom

Scurvy Jane wouldn't be one who is well endowed with independent thought but once in a purple moon, when FC Barcelona lose a match, she astounds those around her with wise words of wisdom. The word on the street is that her words were so profound, that people actually listened to her for the first time in her life. Before long, the wise words of wisdom travelled afar and we can now present the exact text in unabridged form:

The probably untrue theory of Muhammad Ali and The Beatles

We have a theory. We're not saying the theory is based on concrete fact but before you dismiss it and go for a beer, please allow us to state our case. The Beatles wrote some of the most memorable songs ever and made a lot of money from them. The talent they possessed was immense and they were master musicians. Our theory suggests that cultural icon and former professional boxer, Muhammad Ali, taught The Beatles everything they knew. We suggest that Mr. Ali transmitted the immense talent that The Beatles possessed via the immense power that he possessed and this is how we back up our claim:

Little Mike and the Vampire

It all happened very quickly. We were in Burger King with Scurvy Jane and her nephew, Mike. He was drawing with some crayons when out of the blue, he shot us a serious look and said that he had something serious to do and would be right back. He picked up a crayon and paper and left on his own as if he wasn’t a 6 year old. I ran outside after him and there he was at a bus stop handing a strange note to a stranger:

Laugh at life

Are you one of those boring people who never makes mistakes? Can you listen to a Bon Jovi song of your own free will and not feel physically and emotionally ill? Do you like money? If you’ve answered ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to any of the above, you should try Thirsty Dave’s new hobby. Simply look for corrections in newspapers and laugh at life:

Jennifer Aniston faces the truth

I love Jill Y. I love the way she loves me and puts up with my flaws which are far too many to list here. I love the way she makes me feel like I'm not a Bon Jovi hating loser who hates those who don't hate Bon Jovi. As a Scientist, she gets to work on some pretty cool experiments and recently her work has her interviewing celebrities and asking them for the secret of their beauty. Her findings might just surprise you:

The two seemingly unrelated Pop-Tarts incidents of June 9th and July 15th

At the end of the day, when you cut through all the psychology, philosophy and other things I don't understand, life is simply about putting together pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Each part of the puzzle goes with it's connecting part and we slowly build the bigger picture. The events of June 9th and July 15th may be unrelated incidents but maybe, just maybe they have something in common:

Thirsty Dave meets massively thirsty woman

Sometimes this nonsense writes itself. Thirsty Dave is by no means an average thirsty person. He has his own individual ways that you or I would never come close to understanding but he has a certain honesty that has to be admired. When you're a busy man who spends all his time in the pub, it's had to find love with anyone that doesn't serve you beer. With this in mind, he took out a personal ad looking for a lady who can consume up to 700 bottles of beer in one session. We thought he was a little too specific but he's only gone and met his and everyone else's perfect woman:

Sometimes you have to just grin and bear it

Little Dill Y works really hard at school and looks forward to having a bit of fun when he gets home. Last night he was reading about linear discriminant analysis and we had to remind him that he was only 6 and there was a whole year before he would need to fully understand it. For his upcoming birthday, he wants a baby bear. We told him that you can hardly just go to the shop and buy a bear. Then we remembered Sugartastic Daddy John knows shops that nobody else knows about. Now we just have to figure out where we’re to keep a cub:

Thirsty Dave drinks the rainbow

Thirsty Dave recently developed a mouthful of sweet teeth. He's been buying as many packets of Skittles as he can get his hands on. When he told us he was going to the bank to take out a loan to buy some more, we thought he had consumed too much of something that had too much alcohol in it. When he told us that he had a business plan, Scurvy Jane suggested getting a Doctor to have a look at him as he knows as much about business plans as someone who knows nothing about the interior of a 7-up bottle, knows about the interior of a 7-up bottle. It turns out that he knew exactly what he was doing and has put his money where his mouth is going to be:

In the beginning there was stuff and things happened

Jill Y says lots of big words and some of them end in big words. I’ve recently worked out a way to fall asleep as she speaks in these foreign tongues. It wasn’t easy in the beginning but now I can actually sleep while nodding at her and pretending to listen intently to the supposedly intelligent stuff she sprouts. Nothing lasts forever and now I have to sit exams after she lectures on whatever she waffles about. As soon as the episode starts and she rabbits on about something, I take a few notes before the sleep kicks in. This way, when I get to the exam, I can refer to my notes and with a bit of luck, it looks like I have a real life opinion about something. Yesterday she said something about how life began and it wasn’t long before I was dreaming. I’ve a test in an hour and might just have something that might just make sense to her:

Pointless vandalism is mightier than non pointless vandalism

In these waters, all sail equally. If you’re a total loser, we have as much time for you as we do for the next total loser. If you’re in any way interesting or a fan of not being a fan of Bon Jovi, we might even start a Facebook page in your honour. We don’t really have any rules but if you do insult Jill Y, you will need to buy her shoes to get back in her good books and believe me when I tell you that you do not want to be in her bad books. One time Scurvy Jane really bothered her and she knew the scurvy one really doesn’t like pointless vandalism. Jill Y only immediately went out and partook in some pointless vandalism. Never one to miss a trick, her pointless vandalism involved writing ‘pointless vandalism’ and that’s just genius on so many levels:

Please consider donating some of your time to S.H.I.T–Stop Hamburger Incidents Today

Sugartastic Daddy John is not known as 'The safest driver in his own imagination' for no reason. No, the Daddy is not known as 'The safest driver in his own imagination' for the simple fact that he's not the safest driver in his own imagination. Safety is no laughing matter so if for some unexplainable reason, you did laugh, you can stop that right away. This world we live in can be a dangerous place. You only have to turn on the news to hear about another food stabbing. Please consider donating some of your time to S.H.I.T – Stop Hamburger Incidents Today: